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4. Greeting people awkwardly. When I lived in the States, it took me years to learn to greet people using the appropriate firm handshake or hug (depending on the situation and/or level of familiarity with the greetee). I never felt like I was doing it right.
Then I moved here, and it became totally unclear how to greet anyone no matter what the situation or level of familiarity. People would often fail to introduce themselves or shake hands. Even after a lengthy period of conversation we still somehow wouldn't get round to exchanging actual names and I'd be reduced to asking others in private afterward who that was. If I couldn't remember (or failed to discover) their name on the second meeting, I'd feel uncomfortable going for the more familiar kiss on the cheek - and of course if you've decided that one kiss is appropriate, the other person will inevitably lean in for the second on the other cheek and then you have to do follow through but there's this pause that makes it clear you misjudged and oh, the embarrassment. And if you've decided to go for two kisses, maybe because you've already been at the pub for an hour and they've just arrived and you're overflowing with sauce-induced love for humanity in general and they've just finished a rotten day at work, they'll pull away and oh, the embarrassment.
The saving grace of this fiasco was learning that this is the right way to greet people in Britain. Now I have an excuse to do it forever. Hurrah!
Then I moved here, and it became totally unclear how to greet anyone no matter what the situation or level of familiarity. People would often fail to introduce themselves or shake hands. Even after a lengthy period of conversation we still somehow wouldn't get round to exchanging actual names and I'd be reduced to asking others in private afterward who that was. If I couldn't remember (or failed to discover) their name on the second meeting, I'd feel uncomfortable going for the more familiar kiss on the cheek - and of course if you've decided that one kiss is appropriate, the other person will inevitably lean in for the second on the other cheek and then you have to do follow through but there's this pause that makes it clear you misjudged and oh, the embarrassment. And if you've decided to go for two kisses, maybe because you've already been at the pub for an hour and they've just arrived and you're overflowing with sauce-induced love for humanity in general and they've just finished a rotten day at work, they'll pull away and oh, the embarrassment.
The saving grace of this fiasco was learning that this is the right way to greet people in Britain. Now I have an excuse to do it forever. Hurrah!
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Haha, yes! I was reading this and thinking, "But that is how you introduce yourself -- and what do you mean, there's a way to do cheek kisses that's not awkward? Why would anyone want to do that?"
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It's not a bug, it's a feature! It means that either you can settle down to vaguely knowing them as 'That Woman With The Glasses Who Seems To Know Tim', or if you're motivated, you can go about the delicate business of asking Tim, or possibly someone else altogether, who that is and therefore taking the friendship to another level. If things are going really well, That Woman With The Glasses will say 'I'm Jasmine, by the way' a decent way into the first or second conversation, or possibly when taking leave of you for the third time.
People who plunge in with 'Hi, I'm Richard' on the first meeting worry us. We think that either they have social skills far in advance of ours, or far below ours, or that they're selling something. Either way it tends to induce a state of mild shock that erases the parts of the memory that recall names anyway, and so the person gets filed under 'That Bloke Who Introduced Himself, I Think He Said His Name Was Robert' until normal service is resumed.
Starbucks baristas asking for a name to put on the cup induce similar confusion. I generally say 'Leah' because it's the name of a long-running LARP character so I answer to it, and it's easier than trying to explain my actual name which they usually get wrong.
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Also, I am pretty certain that (a) cheek-kissing is a weird French thing, and (b) a single cheek-kiss is actually more intimate than a double cheek-kiss.
ETA though what the hell do I know, that's not how we do it where I come from [this is one of the many areas in which I am SECRETLY NOT ACTUALLY BRITISH and REALLY BAFFLED by British customs]
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Or, this is the story of that time I wound up kissing my friend on the lips when I went for 2 kisses and she only intended to do 1 but I didn't realise this until too late.
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I believe this is only possible if you are French.
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Wife's comment: "Down South, it might get you licked"
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For example, today I was chatting with someone else - a stranger - in the queue in the postal delivery office, and then I got to the tube train and sat down and he appeared and sat down opposite me, so we said hello and exchanged pleasantries. The rest of the tube passengers looked horrified!
We both had noticeably not-London accents (me Yorkshire; him Jamaica).
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Heh! This reminded me of this article from someone returning to America after living in England in which she says:
"Once, in an experiment designed to illustrate Britons’ unease with the way Americans introduce themselves in social situations (in Britain, you’re supposed to wait for the host to do it), I got a friend at a party we were having to go up to a man he had never met. “Hi, I’m Stephen Bayley,” my friend said, sticking out his hand.
“Is that supposed to be some sort of joke?” the man responded."
As a glasses wearer and someone who is marginally uncomfortable with even cheek-kissing someone I don't know, I find the introduction of the cheek kiss very very disturbing. Could we not just stick with umm-ing at each other awkwardly?
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Professor Elemental - I'm British
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This is probably why it's become endemic.
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I find this quite complicated when I'm exploring around the fringes of London. Once I'm far enough out of the heavily populated bits, people seem to expect me to smile and maybe even say hello as I walk past them, but I always end up accidentally blanking at least one person before I work out whether I'm far out enough yet.
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The only people I've ever kissed on the cheek are actual blood-related aunties, and possibly my Mum (although she was just as likely to go for the lips). Close friends? I learned how to hug them at university (I took the advanced course), and I've even progressed to hugging relative strangers if I have sufficient reason to feel well-disposed or grateful towards them, and they seem like the sort of person who wouldn't thing I was being weird... but I draw the line at kissing of any kind.
Women that I fancy? Avert my gaze, shuffle my feet while blushing profusely, and silently pass somebody else in the room a hand-written note respectfully requesting permission, that only identifies the intended kissee by an abstruse technical description of our most recent previous interaction with each other.
...And that even worked, once!
HOTTEST. KISS. EVAR!!! =:o>
Also, my first (of the variety that are (a) erotically/romantically motivated, and (b) voluntary on the other person's part. Kiss-chase was a big part of my pre-teen playground experience, and I was *ALMOST NEVER* the chasee. =:o\ )
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