Things I'm Looking Forward To Doing Now That I'm British: Number Four

[nanila]

4. Greeting people awkwardly. When I lived in the States, it took me years to learn to greet people using the appropriate firm handshake or hug (depending on the situation and/or level of familiarity with the greetee). I never felt like I was doing it right.

Then I moved here, and it became totally unclear how to greet anyone no matter what the situation or level of familiarity. People would often fail to introduce themselves or shake hands. Even after a lengthy period of conversation we still somehow wouldn't get round to exchanging actual names and I'd be reduced to asking others in private afterward who that was. If I couldn't remember (or failed to discover) their name on the second meeting, I'd feel uncomfortable going for the more familiar kiss on the cheek - and of course if you've decided that one kiss is appropriate, the other person will inevitably lean in for the second on the other cheek and then you have to do follow through but there's this pause that makes it clear you misjudged and oh, the embarrassment. And if you've decided to go for two kisses, maybe because you've already been at the pub for an hour and they've just arrived and you're overflowing with sauce-induced love for humanity in general and they've just finished a rotten day at work, they'll pull away and oh, the embarrassment.

The saving grace of this fiasco was learning that this is the right way to greet people in Britain. Now I have an excuse to do it forever. Hurrah!

Comments

[ankaret]

People would often fail to introduce themselves or shake hands. Even after a lengthy period of conversation we still somehow wouldn't get round to exchanging actual names and I'd be reduced to asking others in private afterward who that was.

It's not a bug, it's a feature! It means that either you can settle down to vaguely knowing them as 'That Woman With The Glasses Who Seems To Know Tim', or if you're motivated, you can go about the delicate business of asking Tim, or possibly someone else altogether, who that is and therefore taking the friendship to another level. If things are going really well, That Woman With The Glasses will say 'I'm Jasmine, by the way' a decent way into the first or second conversation, or possibly when taking leave of you for the third time.

People who plunge in with 'Hi, I'm Richard' on the first meeting worry us. We think that either they have social skills far in advance of ours, or far below ours, or that they're selling something. Either way it tends to induce a state of mild shock that erases the parts of the memory that recall names anyway, and so the person gets filed under 'That Bloke Who Introduced Himself, I Think He Said His Name Was Robert' until normal service is resumed.

Starbucks baristas asking for a name to put on the cup induce similar confusion. I generally say 'Leah' because it's the name of a long-running LARP character so I answer to it, and it's easier than trying to explain my actual name which they usually get wrong.

[nanila]

I wish there were a Like button for comments. I would press it multiple times for this one.

[ankaret]

Also, if you haven't already encountered this, you might want to consider it for your new theme song:


Professor Elemental - I'm British

[nanila]

Magnificent. With "Fighting Trousers" and "Cup of Brown Joy", the trifecta is complete.