Things I'm Looking Forward To Doing Now That I'm British: Number Four

[nanila]

4. Greeting people awkwardly. When I lived in the States, it took me years to learn to greet people using the appropriate firm handshake or hug (depending on the situation and/or level of familiarity with the greetee). I never felt like I was doing it right.

Then I moved here, and it became totally unclear how to greet anyone no matter what the situation or level of familiarity. People would often fail to introduce themselves or shake hands. Even after a lengthy period of conversation we still somehow wouldn't get round to exchanging actual names and I'd be reduced to asking others in private afterward who that was. If I couldn't remember (or failed to discover) their name on the second meeting, I'd feel uncomfortable going for the more familiar kiss on the cheek - and of course if you've decided that one kiss is appropriate, the other person will inevitably lean in for the second on the other cheek and then you have to do follow through but there's this pause that makes it clear you misjudged and oh, the embarrassment. And if you've decided to go for two kisses, maybe because you've already been at the pub for an hour and they've just arrived and you're overflowing with sauce-induced love for humanity in general and they've just finished a rotten day at work, they'll pull away and oh, the embarrassment.

The saving grace of this fiasco was learning that this is the right way to greet people in Britain. Now I have an excuse to do it forever. Hurrah!

Comments

[happydork]

The saving grace of this fiasco was learning that this is the right way to greet people in Britain.

Haha, yes! I was reading this and thinking, "But that is how you introduce yourself -- and what do you mean, there's a way to do cheek kisses that's not awkward? Why would anyone want to do that?"

[kaberett]

YES.

Also, I am pretty certain that (a) cheek-kissing is a weird French thing, and (b) a single cheek-kiss is actually more intimate than a double cheek-kiss.

ETA though what the hell do I know, that's not how we do it where I come from [this is one of the many areas in which I am SECRETLY NOT ACTUALLY BRITISH and REALLY BAFFLED by British customs]

[kake]

I don't understand why cheek-kissing is now British. It doesn't feel at all British to me! (Also, I hate it.)

[cxcvi]

Glad it's not just me (or my asexual tendancies) that dislike it.

[kake]

Definitely not just you. I actually like kissing people! Just not in this context.

[liseuse]

I don't like it either! Partly because I dislike kissing people I don't know and partly because I always fear I'm going to injure someone with my glasses.

[sfred]

It doesn't feel British to me - and so I interpret it as South-Eastern English. I have had to get used to lots of bloody weird conventions since moving from Yorkshire to London.

For example, today I was chatting with someone else - a stranger - in the queue in the postal delivery office, and then I got to the tube train and sat down and he appeared and sat down opposite me, so we said hello and exchanged pleasantries. The rest of the tube passengers looked horrified!
We both had noticeably not-London accents (me Yorkshire; him Jamaica).

[kake]

Shortly after I first moved to England, a friend from back in Wales came to visit. He went out for a wander around Oxford and came back complaining that he'd been thrown out of a pub even though he'd not been doing anything wrong. Turned out he'd been going up to people in the pub and trying to start a conversation, and then trying it with different groups when they ignored him.

I find this quite complicated when I'm exploring around the fringes of London. Once I'm far enough out of the heavily populated bits, people seem to expect me to smile and maybe even say hello as I walk past them, but I always end up accidentally blanking at least one person before I work out whether I'm far out enough yet.

[alwayswondered]

One of our team leaders at work lives in France. Every time he comes over he insists on two cheek-kisses from all the women. It's so cringe-inducing. I HATE cheek-kissing.

[foxfinial]

I kind of love how we adopted the cheek-kissing thing from the French but never actually settled on a conventional number.

Or, this is the story of that time I wound up kissing my friend on the lips when I went for 2 kisses and she only intended to do 1 but I didn't realise this until too late.

[nanila]

I banged foreheads with someone hard enough to cause bruises when we had a one kiss-two kiss mixup. Argh!

[happydork]

In Serbia they do three cheek kisses, which is deeply unfair.

[pbristow]

My inner OCD-ist is screaming "How the hell do they keep things symmetrical!?!" ={:oO

The only people I've ever kissed on the cheek are actual blood-related aunties, and possibly my Mum (although she was just as likely to go for the lips). Close friends? I learned how to hug them at university (I took the advanced course), and I've even progressed to hugging relative strangers if I have sufficient reason to feel well-disposed or grateful towards them, and they seem like the sort of person who wouldn't thing I was being weird... but I draw the line at kissing of any kind.

Women that I fancy? Avert my gaze, shuffle my feet while blushing profusely, and silently pass somebody else in the room a hand-written note respectfully requesting permission, that only identifies the intended kissee by an abstruse technical description of our most recent previous interaction with each other.

...And that even worked, once!

HOTTEST. KISS. EVAR!!! =:o>

Also, my first (of the variety that are (a) erotically/romantically motivated, and (b) voluntary on the other person's part. Kiss-chase was a big part of my pre-teen playground experience, and I was *ALMOST NEVER* the chasee. =:o\ )

[nanila]

...there's a way to do cheek kisses that's not awkward?

I believe this is only possible if you are French.

[pbristow]

[NODS] Correct.