Hashtag Everyday Sexism. Hashtag microaggressions

[nanila]

It’s such a pleasure* to have regular reminders that when you become a lecturer, people don’t automatically stop being horribly sexist at you. 

Yesterday, I was in my department’s Education Support Office [ESO], chatting to one of the ESO officers while he located the exam paperwork I needed so I could go off and spend the morning marking them.

As we chatted, someone walked in. I didn’t notice them and I don’t think the ESO officer did either. We were at the back of the office, well behind the reception desk. 

We noticed them when this person started shouting at us in the middle of our conversation, as I was signing out the exam scripts. Well, they shouted at me. “Excuse me, Miss, can you come over here,” they snapped. I turned and stared at them, appalled, and didn’t say anything. The ESO officer put on his most professional poker face and said firmly, “I’ll be with you in a moment.”

Was this person put off by that? Spoiler alert: They were not. “I am a new research associate in [professor’s name]’s group. I am looking for [professional services person]. I need to meet them now.” They stared at me. I still didn’t say anything.

The ESO officer replied, “Just wait there. I’ll be with you when we’re finished.”

We turned our backs on the person, who turned very reluctantly away and went out of the office to wait outside. When I left, I sailed past them with my arms full of exam scripts and did not look at them as I went downstairs to my office.

To the person: Do not assume that everyone standing in a professional services office is there to serve you on command. Especially not the women. 

To colleagues who do not check whether the people they are hiring are sexist pricks: I don’t care how great they may be as researchers. Please stop hiring sexist pricks.

To the ESO officer: You are a gem. Thank you for your support.

* please note heavy sarcasm

Comments

[shirebound]

To the ESO officer: You are a gem. Thank you for your support.

Absolutely.

My goodness, whatever happened to the simplest manners we learned as children? Saying "Please" and then "Thank you".

[nanila]

I think perhaps this person did not learn those things as a child. :/

[ankaret]

*incoherent fuming noises*

[nanila]

Yep, I made a lot of those when I returned to my office.

[liseuse]

Grrrrrargggghhhhh!

[nanila]

Well, exactly. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[hilarita]

Sigh. I wonder if this is in a heavily-male dominated dept., where they couldn't get any women to be on the interview panel, so they couldn't weed out any total pricks.

[nanila]

Even if they did, I have little faith in the weeding process.

[antisoppist]

Well I'm glad there's one person there who gets it but grrrrr and aaaarrrghhh. I hope Smug New Research Associate comes upon you doing some of your amazing high-powered stuff and goes "oh shit" but they are smug so probably won't.

[nanila]

I'm giving a seminar in a couple of weeks. We'll see.

[cmcmck]

Offs! Where does academe get these arseholes from?

[nanila]

Everywhere. There seems to be a plethora available.

[magister]

All the sympathies. Hopefully new research associate comes down with some harmless but socially embarrassing malady. I'll let you choose the details.

[nanila]

Ha, thanks. I choose "discovering how middling their capabilities actually are."

[magister]

You're a more generous person than I. At the very least, I'd add "trousers falling down in a very public situation."

[silveradept]

A complete gem, and I hope that the new research associate found them competently professional, but "inexplicably" cold and hostile in their manner for no reason that the research associate could determine, but everyone around them could if they told the story accurately enough.

[nanila]

I'm sure the chillingly polite atmosphere was achieved. Hopefully one day soon it will lead to learning.

[maellenkleth]

nang nang nang

asshattery is like 'two steps forward, one step back'.

and yes, what is it with being assumed to be a clerk (or, as happened once to me at MIT, being assumed to be the tea grannie)?

[nanila]

It certainly doesn't help that almost 90% of academic staff in my department are men.

[forests_of_fire]

Ugh, people! There's no reason to be rude to anyone, but it's even grosser when you expect their help. Add the sexism on top and it's shit frosting on a shit cake.

[nanila]

Yep. It was both extraordinarily rude and sexist. Not an accident.

[atlantisburning]

I feel like no matter what a woman does, it's never enough to be treated as an equal (or a superior in some cases of job hierarchy) for some folks. I know you're not American, so the whole stupid kerfuffle with our First Lady, Dr. Jill Biden, after the Wall Street Journal posted an op-ed about how she needs to drop her "Doctor" title because she's not a medical doctor. And then the author went on to call her kiddo. Like how fragile must that man be to not give someone who did the hard work and earned the degree and title the respect they deserve?

Why do we STILL live in a society that tries to tear each other down?

I'm sorry you're still dealing with it. It's not fair, and I hate to think that we'll never see the end of it in our lifetimes. Which is so very sad.

[nanila]

I remember reading the Dr Biden story. It made me do one of those deeply exasperated sighs. I probably do about three a month.

[purplecthulhu]

What a self-important dick.

I hope they're not taking cues on behaviour from their professor :-(

[nanila]

I doubt they've met their professor apart from the interview.

[corvidology]

Some things are very slow to change, probably aggravated in this case by the research assistant having no real power anywhere else so trying to exert some in a completely inappropriate venue.

I was once asked if "I knew how to make tea." I said "yes," and walked away. It was hysterical when he knocked respectfully on my office door twenty minutes later badly in need of help.

[nanila]

Ha, awkward (for them)!

[shirou]

That jerk was aggressively rude. Nothing "micro" about it.

[nanila]

Fair point! 🤣

[fauxklore]

Many years ago, my father had a female engineering assistant and a male secretary. People would come into the office and, even though Carol was poring over blueprints and Marvin was at the typewriter, they would inevitably approach her.

[nanila]

Ugh. I bet she developed some killing deadpan unhelpful facial expressions.

[lorigami]

WTF indeed!

[nanila]

Yep. Many headdesk. When will it end? Not until retirement, I think.

[meathiel]

Argh!

Even "funnier" ... when your female boss is sexist.

[nanila]

Yes, that is a "funny" one. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[lurkingcat]

*gnashes teeth*

Why do these people keep getting employed? I'm glad you had a support gem around but it would be nice if people without basic manners failed to make it through the interview process.

[nanila]

Agreed. I think there need to be interview questions that will ferret out such behaviour.

[cha_mel_eon]

I totally agree with others - rudeness is never acceptable! The sexism makes it even worse. :(

[nanila]

It was a deeply depressing episode on multiple levels. 😔

[sabethea]

Ffs.

It’s just so common, though, that I’m angry but not surprised, that is the saddest thing. But grrrr.

[nanila]

Yep. Quite depressing, ultimately.

[azurelunatic]

Definitely a macroaggression. I don't suppose their supervisor is the sort who'd respond helpfully to learning that they'd hired such a bullying twit.

[nanila]

I don't know them hardly at all, so can't say. They hired them without checking though, so not a brilliant start.