Entries tagged with navel-gazing

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The Friday Five on a Bank Holiday Monday

Who was your first crush?

Real person: It was a boy named Colin, in the fifth grade. I would have been ten years old. I can't remember anything about him except he had blue eyes and I could make him laugh until he cried.

Fictional TV character: Jean-Luc Picard.

Fictional literary character: Sherlock Holmes.
Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

I have extrovert energy, but I'm an introvert and I very much need my alone time.
What is your favorite non-sexual thing you like to do with the love of your life?

I can't think of a particular favourite. I just enjoy his company.
What is one quirky habit your partner does that either annoys you or makes you grin?

This does both: throwing his pants at the laundry basket and missing. Like, every single day.
Do you believe in monogamous relationships?

It works for me. I do understand they're not for everyone.

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The Friday Five on a Sunday

How far back can you trace your family tree?
That depends on which side of the family (maternal or paternal) we’re talking about. I have distant relatives who have done a lot of work tracing back the ancestry of various people from my grandparents’ generation to the late 1700s / early 1800s. However, there are also substantial gaps, particularly on the paternal side. I couldn’t tell you the names of my great-grandparents on that side.
What is the most interesting (or strange) thing you've heard about one of your relatives?
I knew that one of my great-grandparents had been a chemist at Eastman Kodak, but until recently I hadn’t gone and looked up the various patents he filed in the mid-20th century.
How do you feel about legacy names like John Henry Smith IV or naming children after other relatives?
I think whatever other people choose to do about naming their children is their business, although if you name your child something like “SanDeE*” I may have to fight the urge to judge you for overcomplicating the administrative burden they’ll endure for the rest of their lives.
Would you consider yourself and/or your family to be traditional?
Not really. I think the absence of religion in our lives probably affects this. We do like traditions that involve food, though, like Pancake Day (Shrove Tuesday) and Easter.
What is one tradition you have passed on to your children and/or plan to pass on to them?
I have passed on the following to them:
- It is OK to put shoyu (soy sauce) on anything.
- Rather than have the argument over pumpkin pie v pecan pie for Thanksgiving dinner, it is best to make both. Also, it is OK to celebrate Thanksgiving at the weekend, since it is not a thing in the UK.
- There is no such thing as “quickly” popping into the bookshop. Or the library.

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The Friday Five on a Sunday

Did the house where you grew up have a newspaper delivered regularly?

I grew up in a lot of different houses. The only one where a newspaper was delivered regularly was my grandparents’ house, who read the local version of the Times on Sundays. I used to read the entire thing, starting of course with the comics.
Have you ever subscribed to an actual print newspaper?

Yes, and still do. We also have print magazine subscriptions, because it keeps us from being distracted from things on our phones.
When was the most recent time you physically picked up and read a newspaper?

Yesterday. It was the most recent edition of “The New European”.
Do you pay for news online now?

Yes, I do. I have a paid subscription to “The Guardian”. The academic institution I work for also provides a paid subscriptions to “The Financial Times”, and I read both regularly.
Do you have any saved newspaper clippings?

Yup! Mostly stuff about various space missions I worked on.

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The Friday Five on a Saturday

Do you like your birth-name? Why?

Yes. It is reflective of my birthplace and my parents. It's unnecessarily long. It is unique.
If you could change your name to anything else, what would it be?

When I was younger I sometimes wished I had a more Anglo name. I always liked Selene and Natasha. But I have no interest in renaming myself now.
What names would you consider giving your children?

Been there, done that! I think Keiki and Humuhumu's actual names suit them well. Sometimes I wish we'd given Keiki an additional Hawai'ian middle name, Keikani, but overall I think we got it right. Who knows what they'll think themselves when they're adults!
If you had a band, what would you name it, and why?

Sliced Bread (as in, best thing since).
Is there a name that you completely hate? Why?

I'm not very fond of Chad. It's a name I associate with bone headed twerps from my teenage years. Sorry to all the nice Chads out there.

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The Friday Five on a Sunday

Of the various cultures, ethnicities or nationalities you belong to, which most strongly do you consider yourself?

My childhood, teenage years and young adulthood were approximately equally divided between Hawai’i, the Pacific Northwest, and California. All of these were very formative to my character and beliefs in different ways.
Is there a culture you cannot claim heritage from but which you feel quite close to?

I have lived in the UK for over 20 years now and taken British citizenship. My partner and children are British. Although I wasn’t born here I do live as a Brit on a day-to-day basis. Probably the most significant milestone, in my opinion, is that when I’m travelling and I get homesick, it’s for the UK, not anywhere else. I’d struggle to pinpoint exactly when that happened, but I have no doubt about it now.
What's one language you wish you knew fluently?

Tagalog, so I could talk to my dad in it.
If you could move anywhere in the world and be guaranteed a job, etc., where would you go?

I’m pretty happy here, but if I could spend some time in the English-speaking* southern hemisphere with the family , I would live there for a few years.
If you had a time machine, and could witness any one event without altering or disturbing it, what would you want to see?

I would love to witness the formation of the first life form on Earth.

* I’m too old and too occupied with raising children and an extremely demanding job to properly learn a new language.

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The Friday Five on a Monday

If you could go back and relive one moment or day from your life, without changing anything, what would you re-experience?

If you could witness a moment in history, again without changing anything, what would you want to see?

f you could talk to a younger version of yourself, what age would you visit and what message would you give?

If you could choose one moment that would be guaranteed to happen in your future, what would it be and when would it happen?

Pretend you left a time capsule for yourself 5, 10, 15, 20 or more years ago. You just opened it. What three things from your past are you now holding and what age were you when you buried them?

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1. First time you cooked for someone else?

I don't remember. I would have been an adult. My family didn't teach me to cook. I could bake a cake or cookies by the time I left home, but I couldn't make a meal. It was likely to have been something very simple, like pasta with sauce, or a grilled cheese sandwich.

2. First time you threw up in someone else's toilet?

I haven't thrown up very many times in my life, and have mostly done so at home, once or twice outside. I really hate vomiting.

3. First time you did anything illegal?

This will be something very boring, like breaking the speed limit.

4. First time you saw snow/the ocean (whichever is more exotic)?

Lol, I grew up next to the ocean. I was eight when I first saw snow, at my maternal grandparents’ house. It was magical. The flakes were huge and diverse, and I can remember marvelling at the silence as they fell.

5. First thought when I say "crumple-horned snorcack"?

My brain conjures something that looks a bit like Allie Brosh's Alot.

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The Friday Five on a Monday

1. What did you want to be when you grew up?

Lots of things, including most unrealistically, Olympic gymnast and dressage champion. The ones that lasted the longest were veterinarian, astronaut, and Nobel-prize-winning chemist.

2. Did you follow through? If not, what happened?

Reality? I mean, I don’t particularly like taking massive physical risks with my body, and I have rarely ever ridden a horse. I did eventually become a PhD chemist, but I don’t rate my chances of winning a Nobel prize in that or anything else very highly.

3. Is your life turning out the way you thought it would when you were a kid? If not, is it better or worse?

It’s definitely better, and certainly not as I envisaged. As a child, I didn't think I’d spend most of my adult life living in another country, didn’t dream of becoming an academic, and was fairly convinced from the point at which it became an option that I’d never have kids.

4. Paradoxes aside, if you could time-travel back to when you were 10 years old, what would you tell your 10-year-old self?

Good job writing that book and getting it printed by your auntie, you’ll be proud of that forever! And yes, you will always have a cat. Sometimes more than one. So don’t worry about that.

5. Do you think the child you were, would like the adult you've become?

I think so. She’d certainly be happy that the adult was still a little bit (okay, a lot) weird.

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The Friday Five on a Sunday

1. If the world were to suddenly end right now, what do you wish you would have done?

Finished my beer. [I filled this in on Saturday night.]

2. How many times do you hit the snooze button before getting out of bed?

None. I get up as soon as the alarm goes, and quite frequently before it. Hello, annoying morning person here!

3. What cartoon do you enjoy watching from the present (or the past)?

I still love watching “Danger Mouse” with the kids.

4. If you could go to any time and/or place in history, where/when would it be?

Uh, nowhere, thanks. Things were mostly crap for women in the past, especially ones who had the audacity to have an interest in science. Also, I don't much fancy living in a time when we did not know about bacteria and viruses, and couldn't refrigerate food.

5. If your life were a movie, what would it be rated and why?

I think it would depend on how the filmmaker decided to approach my young adulthood. If they focused on my daytime existence, it would be terribly wholesome and PG as I made my way through getting good marks at university, doing a PhD, and then going off to a postdoctoral position at NASA. However, my evening hours were quite often spent clubbing in the goth/industrial scene along with associated night-time activities, which would immediately turn it into an 18.

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The Friday Five on a Sunday

1. If you could live in any city in the world, where would you live and why?

London would still probably be the top of my list. While I was living there, I loved not having to drive and being able to access so many remarkable things for the price of a £1.50 bus journey. I’m also too consistently tired and too completely absorbed in my job and my family to learn another language, so selecting places where English isn’t the lingua franca and introducing a greater level of difficulty into daily communications, isn’t feasible. On the other hand, London is horribly expensive to live in, the Tube is disgusting, and it is exhausting being smashed up against all those people all the time. I'm not sure city life is for me at this stage of my existence.

2. If you could speak any language fluently, what would it be?

Tagalog, because I'm still upset I was deliberately not taught it as a child.

3. When was the last time you rode a ferry and where did you go?

The last one I can remember, which may not be the most recent, was the ferry to Staten Island when I went to New York in 2008.

4. What was the longest plane ride you've ever taken?

Probably the LHR to LAX flights - 11ish hours. I have done a fair few of those.

5. If you discovered a country, what would you name it?

I’m going to interpret this literally and assume that this is about Earth. Given that the land masses on Earth have been populated by humans already, and my belief that the world has had enough of colonists, I'd call it whatever the people who already live there do.

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A belated Friday Five

1. Are you and your birth family close?

Yes (but also, it’s complicated).

2. How far away do you live from your various family members?

At least a few thousand miles from nearly all of my blood relatives. Much closer to my out-laws.

3. When was the last time you visited with relatives?

Only about a month ago, but it already feels like ages. :(

4. Do your relatives travel to visit you?

Hahahaha no. My parents are in their eighties and have been to the UK exactly twice since I moved here. My other family don’t have passports or don’t have enough money to travel to the UK or both.

This has, weirdly, become harder on me emotionally the longer I’ve lived here. The twentieth anniversary of me moving to the UK passed quietly a couple of weeks back: ironically, whilst I was in the USA, sitting on the beach in Los Angeles.

5. How do you stay in touch with family: phone calls, email, snail mail, texts, other?

All of the above, although snail mail has dropped off in the past four or five years, since I have most relatives either on WhatsApp or Messenger so that I can send them photos easily.

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The Friday Five on a Monday

1. Are you happy with your current line of work? What do you like/don't like about it?

Ha. Hahaha. I mean, that is a hell of a question. My line of work is the main subject of my locked entries, which are basically a long paean of the many and varied feelings I have about it. The architecture of academia is hugely problematic. I have never been so taxed, drained, and overwhelmed by any other job. At the same time, I have never been so utterly absorbed and satisfied by my work in my life.

2. Do you see yourself doing the same type of work in 5 years? What about 10?

I’m going to be infuriatingly non-committal here and say that only time will tell.

3. Did you see yourself doing this type of work 5 years ago? What about 10?

Absolutely and unequivocally not. I had no intention of becoming an academic, nor any sense that this was a realistic prospect.

4. Did you have a dream job as a child? What was it?

I can remember wanting to be a lot of things. A veterinarian. A medical doctor. (Both of these ended abruptly when I eventually worked out how squidgy medicine is.) An Olympic dressage competitor. (Our neighbours had horses. I have only ever ridden a horse a handful of times. But I liked the dream.) A writer. A Nobel-prize-winning chemist. An inventor. An astronaut. I’m not sure how pleased six-year-old me would be if they could see me now.

5. If you had to pick a radically different job from what you have now, regardless of whether you'd realistically be able to do it given your skillset, what would you pick and why?

Wealthy philanthropist, photographer, and dilettante artist living in an airy flat with my family and cats in a vibrant city. That would be quite nice.

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The Friday Five on a Sunday

1. Have you ever been the president of anything?

Not exactly. I’ve been the chair of committees in an academic context, that’s it.

2. What do you think is the most important leadership trait?

I think it's a pair of traits: Having a clear strategic vision and conveying it to followers, and being prepared for the inevitable disappointment when it takes far longer to execute and doesn't pan out exactly as you'd planned.

3. What time period did you find the most interesting to learn about in history class?

History was never my favourite subject. This may be because I spend very little time dwelling on my personal past, and far more time thinking about how to make the most of the present and the future.

4. What's something you think about doing, but you haven't gotten back into in several years?

Drawing, photography, and playing musical instruments.

5. If you could add one more random holiday to February, what would it be?

I think we should all be allowed to hibernate through February, at least in the northern hemisphere.

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1SE for all of 2023 (in HD)

Watch on YouTube

I caved and got a subscription for 1SE so that I could make an HD version of the full year (just over 9 minutes). I notice that my compositions became smoother across the year as I learned to create content to suit the format, similar to the way I adjust my journaling style for blog posts. I can also see where some months are very well curated because I had the time to spend on adjusting the framing or re-order the videos and others are just "let's get this done and out the door".

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First Friday Five of 2024

1. What are you hoping for in 2024?

An end to at least some of the ongoing conflicts around the world.

2. What was your low point of 2023?

I don’t think I have a particular low point. I had a couple of grant proposals rejected, which is always depressing, but equally I had some success so that was good. From September through mid-December is mostly a blur, and I was ill quite a few times but pushed through with work which may or may not have been a good idea.

3. And your high point of 2023?

Learning to pivot rapidly away from responsibilities that are no longer mine.

4. Do you make New Year’s resolutions or are they just a waste of time?

I used to think it was pointless when almost invariably the resolve to keep them would peter out in days or weeks or (if you’re lucky) months. In the past I made silly ones only. Now I use them as a way to reset when I’ve gotten into bad habits.

5. Do you have any traditions for celebrating New Year’s Eve?

I like watching all the amazing fireworks displays on the countdown to NYE, and now that the coordinated drone displays are a thing, I’m loving those too.

Current Music: Thäis(1) - This Mortal Coil

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Meniscus

It's now been over a month since I last posted on Dreamwidth, longer on LiveJournal since cross posting stopped being automatic.

I debated over our recent holiday whether to simply continue not posting or to make some kind of formal statement about how I plan to use this journal in future. Personally I prefer it when people don't just disappear. I know that 99% of the time they've just got bored or busy or distracted by a different platform and don't find the journal rewarding enough to continue, and nothing terrible has happened to them. But it's nice to have the reassurance that this is the case, rather than that they've been hit by a bus or something.

So I guess this is me obliquely sidling up to the realisation that despite 21 years of journalling (as of this July), I have neither the time nor the inclination to keep up my commitment to writing and interacting here as intensively as I once did. I can see the signs of this in my recent posting patterns: more short entries, far fewer public posts, failure to post photos because it's just too much effort to muster after a 15 hour day, failure to reply to comments or to other people's posts.

There are external factors too. I got promoted at work. I have a huge workload now that I have a senior administrative role in my department, plus teaching and grant management. I'm co-supervising my first PhD student. The children will be going to different schools in a week's time, effectively doubling our life admin complications. Because of this we've had to acquire a second car after 10 years of getting away with having only one.

I'm sure no one apart from me is surprised, but I hope I'm not the only one who's sad about this. I loved being (what felt to me like) a stalwart part of this community. It's painful to have to let it go. I will post now and again but I won't be reading regularly so if this is important to you and you need to say goodbye because of it, please do. On the other hand, if you're okay with sporadic updates and patchy, enthusiastic interaction then please stay. I'm always happy to pick up with friends and acquaintances after long silences.

I'll keep my Wed-Sat shifts on the daily "Just One Thing" achievement posts for Awesomeers.dreamwidth.org. Do join there if you want a low key way of recording stuff you've done and getting a little cheer for it. That's how I use it.

If you'd like to connect elsewhere, I'm on the following, but don't post much: Instagram (magnetometrist) and Twitter (nanila). I'm most active on and 150+ days into a Duolingo streak so happy to be added there as well: nanila2, the one with a Neko Atsume cat as my userpic.

TL;DR version: Nanila angsts about not journalling regularly, isn't leaving completely, loves you all, stay or go as you like, please add on Duolingo. ❤️

Current Mood: how is it only monday
Crossposts: https://nanila.livejournal.com/1382580.html

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Three for the Memories 2021

[This is cross-posted from the Dreamwidth community

threeforthememories, which is great and you should all join it. You have until next Monday 24 January if you want to post three photos to it that define your year last year, and no time constraints on enjoying everyone else's posts. I think it might actually be years since I've either promoted a community or cross-posted from one. Yikes.]

Telstar (RIP)

This is - was - our beloved cat Telstar, just before he turned twelve in June of last year. We had no idea that we only had a few months left with him at this point, as his decline was very sudden. Losing him is an event that will forever be associated with 2021.

( ”+2” )

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: the golden palominos - the ambitions are
Crossposts: https://nanila.livejournal.com/1366718.html

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My LJ’s 20th anniversary: The Magnificent Seven: Highgate Cemetery

I had imagined doing a big roundup post for the 20th anniversary of my LiveJournal, but due to rampant sleepiness on the 11th of July after my solo trip to London, I managed to miss it completely. (It was a mistake not to set a reminder in my calendar.) I still will, but in lieu of the roundup for now, here is a photo post from my final act of the London trip, which was to the eastern half of Highgate Cemetery.

Thanks to my DW/LJ, I know that I finished my photography project to visit all of the Magnificent Seven cemeteries in 2012. Someone asked me on my return home this weekend, “Who is buried in Highgate, apart from Karl Marx?” While I can answer that question with a list of names, the honest answer is that I don’t care. I don’t visit these places to hunt for the graves of specific famous people, not even Douglas Adams (sorry, mate. I do know where my towel is though). In fact, because I keep a journal, I have a precisely formulated explanation for my visits.

Maybe it’s obvious from my choice of photographs, but I don’t care much about finding the graves of the notable persons buried in these cemeteries. For me, the attraction of these places comes from the collective obliteration of individual identity. The sense that pain and sorrow have been absorbed and transformed into something that is rather beautiful - the admission, and acceptance, of death. -- Me, April 2012.

I love my journal so much. ♥ ♥ ♥

( Many photos )

This trip has inspired me to repeat the Magnificent Seven project, in reverse order, over the next few months. Next up, then: West Norwood cemetery.

Current Mood: accomplished
Crossposts: https://nanila.livejournal.com/1360175.html

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Cross-stitch grows in complexity

I bought this cross-stitch from Hobbycraft because I had a voucher to spend, and because I wanted to practise other types of stitching (back-stitching and lazy daisy) before trying my hand at the funkier bespoke designs off Etsy. The contrast between the rather mushy quality of the cross-stitch alone and the crispness after back-stitching is quite dramatic, as you can see below.

Front and back, cross-stitch only

Front and back, all stitching complete

There are 3 or 4 mistakes or "deviations from the pattern", but I don't think they're ruinous. I find the pink plastic hoop that came with the kit a bit naff, so I'll get a wooden one to finish it off. Question for fellow stitchers: Do you bother with doing anything other than trimming the cloth to the edge of the hoop? I've been leaving an inch or so and doing a running stitch to pull it tight at the back, but I have seen some very nice and more effortful finishes involving felt, which I'm tempted to do on the ones that will be gifted.

Next up: Behold, the field &c!

Current Mood: tired
Crossposts: https://nanila.livejournal.com/1326129.html

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Day 77/183: Plus/minus

- After at least 20 years of service (it belonged to the bloke’s parents before moving in with us in 2008), our microwave disintegrated dramatically this afternoon. The plastic around the glass door window crumbled into bits, like a wet biscuit.

+ This gave me an excuse to spend what is not a very nice day outside browsing the internet for a new microwave. I very nearly bought a fire engine red one, to match the toaster, kettle, bread bin, and Kitchen Aid stand mixer. In the end, I went for the sensible option: the white one with the biggest volume that was on sale at Curry’s.

- I had to go out to buy a cat flap for the extension window. It was my first time driving in over eight weeks and the first time I’d left the house for anything other than a family walk. I went the long way, to try to make sure I got a little bit of extra time behind the wheel. At first I went far too slowly, and then when I realised I was doing all of 25 mph in a 40 zone, I went too fast. It took a couple of minutes to recalibrate my road sense. Thankfully there still isn't much traffic in our area. I don’t love driving, but acknowledge it’s a necessary skill.

+ I forgot how pleasant our car is to drive. And how nice it is to have the phone Bluetoothed in so I can play music. Also, I filled up the tank the day before lockdown started. It’s still ⅞ full.

- The car park was crazy busy and the queues for the shops were long. Once inside, I noticed very few people making much attempt at maintaining social distancing. The cashiers also clearly hate the Plexiglass screens at the tills, because they keep leaning around them to talk to customers. None of the employees working on the shop floor had any PPE. I found this depressing, because as we all know, customers are arseholes (see below).

+ The person who helped me find the cat flap was ridiculously grateful about my determination to stay away from him. (As opposed to the customer who tried to slip behind him while he was fishing out the one I wanted, bumped into him, put his hands on his shoulders, and said “Oh, sorry, mate.” -.-)

- The builders are on site for the bank holiday weekend. Since we’re trying to social distance, we can’t use the garden and are trapped inside.

+ The builders are back on site! Progress is being made! Soon, we can haz roof on the extension.

- Keiki is not going back to school on 1 June. Our primary school is only opening to (more) children of key workers, and vulnerable children, not the whole of Years R and 1. He won’t get to see his buddies any time soon. He’s a very sociable creature, and he was looking forward to being with his friends again.

+ Keiki is not going back to school on 1 June. This is, if not positive, at least not completely negative. He’s making noticeably swifter progress with homeschooling than he was at school. It’s tough to parse how much of this is down to his new glasses and how much to the one-on-one attention he didn’t get at school. Also, Humuhumu would have been very sad if he’d gone and she didn’t.

- We will have to move out next month so that the builders can rip out all of the downstairs rooms, including plaster, carpet and ceilings, and gut the kitchen. Living upstairs nine hours a day with intermittent power and water supplies for four weeks whilst trying to maintain social distance from the builders, and also work and home-school: not feasible.

+ The new metal shed is arriving next week to sit on the slightly wonky concrete plinth we built for it. So we have somewhere to stuff the contents of those rooms.

+ On Thursday, 21 May, I wore makeup for the first time since 20 March.

- It took me ages to apply the makeup. Once I had, I forgot I had black eyeshadow on within five minutes and gave my eyes a good rub, thus rendering myself a panda for the rest of the day.

+ Fortunately the video quality on Zoom is so poor that no one noticed.

+ It is Caturday (see photo for winner of the Best Nose category in our house).