Topic Meme: Day 13

[nanila]

[Image of a winking tuxedo cat lounging in bed]

Hello. I’ve appropriated the journal of my human nanila because, apparently, another feline-controlled human (ironed_orchid) requested that I describe the manner in which I spend my days. I have graciously agreed to respond.

I’m an early riser. I like to go out for a prowl just as the sky is beginning to lighten. If I’m locked in the house because some idiot has blocked off access to the cat flap, I kindly let them know. Eventually they stumble downstairs mumbling something about, “effing cat” and “unholy yowling,” which I take as an expression of their gratitude for my continued presence in their lives, and open the door.

I spend anywhere from five minutes to three hours outside, depending on the weather, and then re-enter the house and put in the call for breakfast. It is generally served with more mutterings about “not tripping me with your confounded leg-weaving”, which I understand means that they’re honoured to serve me promptly.

I then make a thorough and leisurely tour of the house via the medium of naps during the day. I nap on the sofa. I nap on the day bed in the male human’s study. I nap at the top of the stairs. I nap in the large bed. I nap under the large bed. I nap in the conservatory. If the female human is working from home, I occasionally remind her to take a break for a cup of tea by walking up and down in front of her monitor and jumping on her keyboard. This prevents her from fossilising in front of the computer. It is an act of such magnanimity that I deserve a treat.

The baby human is quite tired when she arrives home in the evening, but she has enough energy while she is having her bath and getting into her pyjamas to provide me with her daily adulation. I approve of this, and encourage it from a safe distance.

After that, it is time for my supper, or diced meat of the finest cuts slathered in gravy, which they call “gooshy food”. I consume this with relish. I return to the front room and deign to sit with them for a time on the back of the sofa, surveying all with slitted yellow eyes. I often have a second prowl as an interlude. Of late I have been having disagreements with my large orange neighbour, Spike, over possession of my garden. These disagreements occasionally leave marks. Having asserted my dominion, I return indoors for my main snooze.

This is a true and faithful account of the manner in which I spend my days. Our very best wishes for the continued health of the human ironed_orchid from Telstar (and nanila).


[Image of Telstar and his Santa-hatted human]

Comments

[pretty_panther]

This wins at life. What a badass little kitty. Clearly in charge.

[nanila]

Yes, he definitely rules the house.

[ironed_orchid]

It is entirely fitting that only I'm reading now because George woke me from her nocturnal ramblings and then abandoned me in order to snack on crunchy foods and go out again.

It sounds like you have a pretty good life, with plentiful napping spots and adequate adulation from your humans.

[nanila]

He was very excited to be home from Norfolk. So excited that he ran straight out and caught...something...which he managed to prevent me from seeing, then zipped outside with it and returned two minutes later, licking his chops.

[ironed_orchid]

Oh Kitty!

[pbristow]

=:o}

[nanila]

:D :D Meowww!

[lark_ascends]

*grins*

[nanila]

:) *slow yellow-eyed blink*

Meoww and greetings from Pais

[shezan]

I can see you've got your human staff mostly trained, and I approve of your methods.

I would recommend sneaking under your humans' bed at night, the better to remind them with some properly modulated yowls to open the outside door around 5:30 am. Humans are so forgetful!

Re: Meoww and greetings from Pais

[nanila]

Yes. I often do this, although I tend to launch an attack on ill-guarded toes under the duvet first. Adds to the element of surprise, you see.

Re: Meoww and greetings from Pais

[shezan]

Ah, yes, indeed. I entirely approve your strategy.

[weaverbird]

Impressive human management skills!

[nanila]

I have been honing them for some time. :)

Greetings from Flyte

[liseuse]

Dear Telstar,

I am very impressed by your ability to wrangle your humans into doing your bidding. I was wondering if you had discovered the delight of batting bits of paper around in the middle of the night. I find that it makes my human make lots of entertaining noises, and flap her hand around outside the bed covers, meaning that I have yet another toy to play with. As you already know, the noises that humans make, such as "bugger off you irritating piece of fur covered bones" are expressive of such love and tenderness that we should encourage them to make more.

I hope your 2014 is full of many more exciting excursions to the outside world and that Spike realises how thoroughly he is outmatched,

Flyte.

Re: Greetings from Flyte

[nanila]

Dear Flyte,

Happy Gregorian New Year! I occasionally drop a live rodent on my humans in the middle of the night. Keeps them on their toes. I also enjoy leaving feathers mouldering in obscure places so that they realise they have been remiss in their cleaning duties.

Best wishes,
Telstar

[askygoneonfire]

Are you a reader of Under the Paw? (http://littlecatdiaries.blogspot.co.uk/) Ignore all the selling stuff of recent posts, reader's cats feature is just crying out for another piece from Telstar!

[nanila]

I approve of the existence of this blog. I note, however, that many of the featured cats seem to be a little...soft. Insufficient scrapping with the neighbours and slaughtering of smaller mammals.

[forthwritten]

Impressively well trained humans! I must congratulate you in particular on your translations of human idiomatic expressions.

[nanila]

Thank you. I have been studying them for some time, so I feel pretty confident that my interpretations are accurate.