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I might be a little bit in love with this satirical news programme hosted by Nish Kumar. And it’s not just because he came up with my favourite ever description of conservative MP Jacob Rees-Mogg, “a man so cartoonishly elitist that the only way he makes any sense is if it turned out he was being played by Sacha Baron-Cohen the whole time. Except we know he’s not, because here is a picture of him being interviewed by Ali G in 1999.”
The women on The Mash Report are its greatest strength. There’s Rachel Parris and her faux-giggly segments at the social media wall. (About the purported war on men: “Clearly for some millionaires, not being allowed to fondle a young woman over dinner is a lot like the Somme.”) Her most recent segment in Episode 6 eviscerating the snowflake label was absolutely beautiful. There’s Ellie Taylor at the news desk, stone-facedly delivering introductory lines such as, “But first, women have told everyone to just fuck off.” In fact I’m so enamoured of the ensuing piece of comedy gold that I have transcribed it below the cut as I feel it’s also an appropriate way to honour International Women’s Day. (A whole day, all to ourselves! Aw. Isn’t it nice of the men to let us have that. -.-)
Ellie Taylor: Tired of being judged for choosing to have children or not have children, to have children and go back to work, to have children and not go back to work, for being too thin, too fat, too pushy, too unambitious, too hot, not hot enough, or even for just daring to be alive, women have stressed that everyone can go fuck themselves.
*pause for heartfelt cheering and applause from the audience*
Ellie Taylor: Nathan Muir has been gauging the reaction, because apparently a man is the best person to report this story.
Nathan Muir: If you have a vagina, people have the right to judge you on every single thing you do, even what you do with your vagina. Or so it has been up until now. I spoke to one of womankind, or the “Cliterati”, as no one is calling them, about their backlash.
Donna Sheridan, “Mouthy Woman”: Enough’s enough. The message is clear and the message is, you’re right, we will do as you command. Just kidding, it’s fuck off.
Ellie Taylor: That’s all from me. *fist-click* *double-bird* (screencap of that moment below)
The segment above appears a few minutes into Episode 3, which is available on iPlayer (UK only) for the next eight days. BBC iPlayer link to The Mash Report episodes here.
Oh, and did I mention that Desiree Burch does segments on the show? My favourite is in Episode 4, about 18 minutes in. In response to Nish Kumar’s assertion that there are some positive things to celebrate in America at the moment, like NFL players feeling empowered to take the knee in protest against police killings of young black people, she says: “Oh yes, NFL players. You mean, strong black men working on a field making money for their white owners? Come on, Nish, the New York Giants are a harmonica and two blues songs away from being actual slaves.”
After some back-and-forth with Nish, she concludes that segment with, “Had the South won the war, America would have had to recognise and deal with the racism that grew and flourished after the Civil War. And by understanding it, we might not have elected a dumb racist like Donald Trump. So all we can do now is work together to fight systemic oppression for all people of colour, and fight for empathy, equality, and understanding, and most importantly, fight to get the goddamn McRib back on the McDonald’s menu.”
The women on The Mash Report are its greatest strength. There’s Rachel Parris and her faux-giggly segments at the social media wall. (About the purported war on men: “Clearly for some millionaires, not being allowed to fondle a young woman over dinner is a lot like the Somme.”) Her most recent segment in Episode 6 eviscerating the snowflake label was absolutely beautiful. There’s Ellie Taylor at the news desk, stone-facedly delivering introductory lines such as, “But first, women have told everyone to just fuck off.” In fact I’m so enamoured of the ensuing piece of comedy gold that I have transcribed it below the cut as I feel it’s also an appropriate way to honour International Women’s Day. (A whole day, all to ourselves! Aw. Isn’t it nice of the men to let us have that. -.-)
Ellie Taylor: Tired of being judged for choosing to have children or not have children, to have children and go back to work, to have children and not go back to work, for being too thin, too fat, too pushy, too unambitious, too hot, not hot enough, or even for just daring to be alive, women have stressed that everyone can go fuck themselves.
*pause for heartfelt cheering and applause from the audience*
Ellie Taylor: Nathan Muir has been gauging the reaction, because apparently a man is the best person to report this story.
Nathan Muir: If you have a vagina, people have the right to judge you on every single thing you do, even what you do with your vagina. Or so it has been up until now. I spoke to one of womankind, or the “Cliterati”, as no one is calling them, about their backlash.
Donna Sheridan, “Mouthy Woman”: Enough’s enough. The message is clear and the message is, you’re right, we will do as you command. Just kidding, it’s fuck off.
Ellie Taylor: That’s all from me. *fist-click* *double-bird* (screencap of that moment below)
The segment above appears a few minutes into Episode 3, which is available on iPlayer (UK only) for the next eight days. BBC iPlayer link to The Mash Report episodes here.
Oh, and did I mention that Desiree Burch does segments on the show? My favourite is in Episode 4, about 18 minutes in. In response to Nish Kumar’s assertion that there are some positive things to celebrate in America at the moment, like NFL players feeling empowered to take the knee in protest against police killings of young black people, she says: “Oh yes, NFL players. You mean, strong black men working on a field making money for their white owners? Come on, Nish, the New York Giants are a harmonica and two blues songs away from being actual slaves.”
After some back-and-forth with Nish, she concludes that segment with, “Had the South won the war, America would have had to recognise and deal with the racism that grew and flourished after the Civil War. And by understanding it, we might not have elected a dumb racist like Donald Trump. So all we can do now is work together to fight systemic oppression for all people of colour, and fight for empathy, equality, and understanding, and most importantly, fight to get the goddamn McRib back on the McDonald’s menu.”
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I'm gutted there won't be any new episodes for a few weeks.
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Okay, that's just about perfect.
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I'll look for a way to watch it over here.
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I find him thoroughly repellant!
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Nish Kumar is on this (or some past? we're behind I think) series of Taskmaster, which is also hilarious (and so is he).
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