Never say never

[nanila]

Before I became a parent, I carefully watched people who were already parents of small children. I saw them do certain things and thought to myself, "If I become a parent, I must remember to do that," or "If I become a parent, I'm going to try not to do that."

Here are the things I had resolved would not become part of my repertoire as a parent.

1. There is an acceptable amount of baby vomit to wear upon one's person, and that amount is not "none". A baby spits up after every feed. There's no avoiding this, and no amount of diligence seems to allow me to catch all of it in a muslin or a bib every time. It will get on my shirt/jeans/dress/coat/shoes. I may or may not notice. If I do notice (or someone else points it out which is unlikely given that I live in England), I find myself evaluating whether the quantity merits a change of said item of clothing. I have to do enough washing on a daily basis that if I can wipe most of it off, I probably won't.
   
   
2. Bottom-sniffing is not just for dogs. I'm sure you've all seen parents lifting up their children and using the smell checker on them. As I discovered, this is an invaluable tool for determining whether or not I need to pay a visit to what will probably be a grim public toilet that doesn't have a changing table or a toilet seat. If I wait ten seconds after the auditory indicator and then perform the smell check, it's the difference between having to spend ten minutes in said edifice followed by another half an hour calming down an angry baby, and being able to wait until we get home to have a peaceful nappy change.
   
   
3. There is no aspect of one's dignity that is not worth sacrificing to make a baby smile. I spent the first few weeks of Humuhumu's life trying to address her as a miniature fully-realised adult (ridiculous nicknames notwithstanding). That all went out the window the first time I had to travel with her on public transport. There are no faces I didn't pull, no stupid noises I wouldn't make, no songs I wouldn't sing fifty times, no exaggerated dances I wouldn't perform to keep the commuters from slaying us with their unspoken disapprobation. Now I'll do them for no reason other than to see her happy.

I'm sure this list is nowhere near complete. After all, Humuhumu isn't even five months old yet.

Comments

[happydork]

I love this post ridiculously much. I'm so happy for you and your family.

[nanila]

^.^ Thank you. We enjoy ourselves (most of the time).

[telegramsam]

hey, at least you have a fresh audience, all those old jokes are BRAAAAAND NEW now. XD

[nanila]

HAHA so true. All those Knock Knock and "dad" jokes are going to be funny again, hurrah!

[alwayswondered]

My sister's discovered that if she blows raspberries at my niece, she'll get a smile, and Tiny is now trying to learn to blow raspberries back; it's the most hilarious baby-related thing I've ever encountered (which is why all the photos of me holding her during my recent family-time have me laughing hysterically). So yup, dignity is going out of the window and raspberries are getting blown.

I'm glad you're having so much fun with Humuhumu. :)

[nanila]

She was blowing raspberries at the cat this morning. He looked fairly nonplussed.

[lovepeaceohana]

Love this! I tried not to have expectations going into parenting, and of course, all of my not-expectations seem to have been turned on their heads anyway.

Weather- and location-depending, I usually opted for a change right there in the grass instead of trying for one of those dingy public restrooms that definitely did not have changing tables. I even changed a diaper once at the top of a slide, because KK clung onto the bars for dear life and would not be budged for a change.

(I wiped the whole area down afterward with the disinfectant wipes I carried in the baby bag, but yeah, I took capital-L Looks for that one. Was worth it to save the pair of pants though.)

[nanila]

I had braced myself for the worst of everything (colic, failure to sleep at night, wind, etc) and got very little of it, so now I'm very paranoid about the future (public tantrums, not sharing, difficulty potty training, etc). Surely these things must even out somewhere. :P

I look forward to the nice weather when we can have picnics and barbeques and things and not have to worry about icky public toilets.

[soliano]

Yep. Once you have one everything you thought changes. You become immune to bodily fluids and children crying becomes a new language.

[nanila]

I spend a startling amount of time every day trying to interpret her noises. Generally it means cycling through everything, starting with cuddles.

[lark_ascends]

Interesting list...

[nanila]

If I'd seen it five months ago, I'd have thought, "Surely not!"

[kake]

Best way to deal with baby-snot when you don't have enough hands to find a tissue:

[ ] wipe it somewhere inconspicuous on an item of your own clothing
[ ] eat it

[nanila]

So far I've gone for Option 1, but one day I'll be wearing a suit or a nice dress and not be carrying any wipes and then, I think, Option 2 will come into play!