Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy

[nanila]

Despite doing the usual internet searches and having read the books on sprogging up that have been loaned to me by kind friends, I note that there are a few things no one tells you.

1. Braxton-Hicks contractions are both scary and painful. The Wikipedia article on the subject must have been written by a robot. "They should be infrequent, irregular, and involve only mild cramping." To which my response gets a bit sweary, frankly. Because, fuck off! It hurts! A metric fuckton! Try getting them in the middle of a meeting or when you're standing on a bus, and tell me if that feels like "mild cramping", you wankers.
   
   
2. No position you can assume will relax you once you pass a certain size threshold. I have passed that threshold. Sitting, standing and lying down are all uncomfortable. My back hurts. My feet hurt. Various limbs go numb periodically. It's horrible, and if anyone had told me in advance that I would have to spend three months in a state of constant physical pain, I would probably have insisted on having a large vat of cooling gel installed in my bathroom and would currently be dictating all my work and this post from there.
   
   
3. At some point it becomes impossible to maintain the topiary conditions of your nether regions. Forget losing sight of your feet. I like to maintain a Brazilian with a razor. Now that most of that area has disappeared under a vast expanse of belly, I find myself largely guessing whether or not I've done a thorough job. And usually I find when I'm looking in the mirror later that I've managed to miss more than one bit, or that the remaining tuft lacks a certain symmetry. The bloke says he doesn't mind forging his way through the jungle if necessary, but dammit, I feel untidy.

Comments

[miss_s_b]

I spent the last two months of my pregnancy in a cold bath. It wasn't the discomfort so much as the overheating, but it WAS really hot that summer.

But yes, Braxton Hicks hurt, and sleeping is hard when you need to be at a 45 degree angle at all times to prevent acid reflux.

[nanila]

I'm secretly rather grateful that this has been a "rubbish" summer by most people's standards. I think I would've been desperately uncomfortable otherwise.

Yes, I sleep with six pillow at the moment. Only three of them are under my top half but one of them is a super-hard memory foam thing. Acid reflux this morning - so gross, BLECH.

[rmc28]

Braxton-Hicks is very very variable. When mine started and were identifiable, I used to compare them to the feeling in the bicep when flexing it, only spread across a whole abdomen. By the last month they were considerably less mild. In our VBAC class the midwives said the key difference between B-H and "real" contractions was their regularity.

For acid reflux, I got a load of antacid tablets - calcium carbonate with fruit flavours. Boots own brand are good enough. They got me through but I had slightly overcatered, so I passed all the remainder on to my sister in law when she came to visit after Nicholas was born. Her baby is due in 3 weeks *excitement* - and she said when we met up again this week that the flavoured chalk is helping.

[nanila]

I suppose it's good to have a taste of what real contractions will feel like. I don't think I'll be misidentifying them - if they're happening regularly, I will definitely notice.

Mmm, flavoured chalk. I stocked up on Tums while I was in the States so I have a little supply to carry around with me. When I'm at home, I use Gaviscon, which tends to banish it straightaway. Best of luck to your sister-in-law!