nanila | Gestating (Reply)

Many of you will have learnt this already, via FB, Twitter, Flickr or maybe even in meatspace. But just in case there’s anyone out there who didn’t know yet: I’m four months pregnant.

I’ve been oddly reluctant to post publicly about it in my journal. Maybe it’s because people are more likely to be nasty to others when shielded by the anonymity afforded by the internet. Maybe it’s because I’ve always felt ambivalent about having children, and I feel somewhat guilty that I still have that ambivalence, despite having committed to the irrevocable decision to have one myself. Maybe it’s because I don’t want my identity to be subsumed in becoming a delivery vehicle for a new human. Maybe it’s because while I’m happy to camhoor my cats (who don’t understand the internet and never will) and myself shamelessly, I don’t necessarily want to do it to a new human (who may eventually understand the internet and be horrified).

I’m dubious about bringing a person into a world struggling with climate change, resource depletion, endemic racism and sexism, and generally the ease with which humans can be horrible to one another. I guess all I can do is try to equip my passenger with the tools to help cope with these things. We’ll start with completing gestation. Oh, and while I’m glad to be having a child, I’m also glad that I was able to exercise control over my reproductive ability until I felt I was in a position to provide adequate support for one. May we one day live in world where every woman has the means to do this.

Here are Telstar’s thoughts on the forthcoming arrival.