This Eastercon business has got me thinking about race and the perception of it. One more post on the topic and then I promise it's back to photography, kitties and anecdotes for a while.
I've gotten so used to passing for white among unobservant people that it's still a bit of a shock to me to think of myself as a Person of Colour. I would even go so far as to say I feel awkward labeling myself as such in public, even though it's true and I identify (mostly inside my head) as one. In fact, I suspect a good many of my friends would probably feel uncomfortable if I started making it more obvious that I don't consider myself white. I have spent my entire life teaching myself to behave in a manner that makes people fail to notice that I'm a PoC. This is probably why I got really into the industrial scene as a teenager and into being a geek as an adult, as these are subcultures with carefully defined parameters that are relatively easy to follow if you pay attention. I'm so good at "playing white" that often people who are of the same racial extraction as I am (southeast Asian) sometimes don't even see it.
The social system that exists for middle-class people in America and Britain rewards silence - and humour - on the subject of race, especially when it comes from someone who is visibly a Person of Colour. It does not reward serious attempts to engage people on the subject of racial stereotyping. For instance, upon telling someone that my father is Asian, I have heard many variations on the following responses:
"You must have had a really strict upbringing."
"No wonder you're so good at science/maths."
I have learned through experimentation over the years that the following are acceptable replies.
"Yes I did." [This is a lie.]
"Nah, he only locked me in the shed for three hours a day. I was lucky! Most kids got six!" [This is also a lie.]
"Actually, I'm just a genius." [Said in a joking manner that makes it blindingly obvious this is Lie Number Three.]
"Oh, I always liked counting." [Actually, this one is true.]
What is not an acceptable response:
"Please can you not make assumptions about my parents and my abilities based on racial stereotypes?"
That'll put people right off their canapés. It might even cause them to walk away if I were to allow my anger to show. So I've learnt to keep quiet, to deflect the tension these remarks cause inside me away from myself - and away from the people who've inflicted it, because it makes life easier. Sadly, it doesn't make life better, for me or for other POCs. I would love to stop. It's difficult to figure out how to do that without earning the labels "confrontational" and "aggressive". That may not sound like much of a cross to bear, but in cultures that thrive on keeping everyone in the conversation comfortable (and when you're female, in which case this becomes a double burden), it could cost a person a lot.
The lesson for Eastercon is, I think, that if there are PoCs in attendance and they are minorities, they may be the type, like me, that have conditioned themselves so well that they can't bring themselves to be critical, even if they do hear racist remarks. I certainly wouldn't be at all comfortable doing so in a feedback session that consisted of a room full of white people. It may take an ally - say, someone like![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
foxfinial - to point it out for them. It may also be that such people are only willing to make remarks from a degree of removal, say, in a written survey or in the comfort zone of a blog post in a sympathetic community. (Hi, sympathetic community! I love you.)
I've gotten so used to passing for white among unobservant people that it's still a bit of a shock to me to think of myself as a Person of Colour. I would even go so far as to say I feel awkward labeling myself as such in public, even though it's true and I identify (mostly inside my head) as one. In fact, I suspect a good many of my friends would probably feel uncomfortable if I started making it more obvious that I don't consider myself white. I have spent my entire life teaching myself to behave in a manner that makes people fail to notice that I'm a PoC. This is probably why I got really into the industrial scene as a teenager and into being a geek as an adult, as these are subcultures with carefully defined parameters that are relatively easy to follow if you pay attention. I'm so good at "playing white" that often people who are of the same racial extraction as I am (southeast Asian) sometimes don't even see it.
The social system that exists for middle-class people in America and Britain rewards silence - and humour - on the subject of race, especially when it comes from someone who is visibly a Person of Colour. It does not reward serious attempts to engage people on the subject of racial stereotyping. For instance, upon telling someone that my father is Asian, I have heard many variations on the following responses:
"You must have had a really strict upbringing."
"No wonder you're so good at science/maths."
I have learned through experimentation over the years that the following are acceptable replies.
"Yes I did." [This is a lie.]
"Nah, he only locked me in the shed for three hours a day. I was lucky! Most kids got six!" [This is also a lie.]
"Actually, I'm just a genius." [Said in a joking manner that makes it blindingly obvious this is Lie Number Three.]
"Oh, I always liked counting." [Actually, this one is true.]
What is not an acceptable response:
"Please can you not make assumptions about my parents and my abilities based on racial stereotypes?"
That'll put people right off their canapés. It might even cause them to walk away if I were to allow my anger to show. So I've learnt to keep quiet, to deflect the tension these remarks cause inside me away from myself - and away from the people who've inflicted it, because it makes life easier. Sadly, it doesn't make life better, for me or for other POCs. I would love to stop. It's difficult to figure out how to do that without earning the labels "confrontational" and "aggressive". That may not sound like much of a cross to bear, but in cultures that thrive on keeping everyone in the conversation comfortable (and when you're female, in which case this becomes a double burden), it could cost a person a lot.
The lesson for Eastercon is, I think, that if there are PoCs in attendance and they are minorities, they may be the type, like me, that have conditioned themselves so well that they can't bring themselves to be critical, even if they do hear racist remarks. I certainly wouldn't be at all comfortable doing so in a feedback session that consisted of a room full of white people. It may take an ally - say, someone like
foxfinial - to point it out for them. It may also be that such people are only willing to make remarks from a degree of removal, say, in a written survey or in the comfort zone of a blog post in a sympathetic community. (Hi, sympathetic community! I love you.)tags:
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That said, my tendency is if I hear a racist remark (and that happens with depressing frequency in a pub in a mostly white are which is close to a number of areas with high immigrant populations) to sort of sigh and roll my eyes and look weary. Because if I say something I am risking confrontation, but if I don't say something I hate myself for letting the racist tosser feel validated. So I have to find an unsatisfactory middle ground and risk a BIT of confrontation... I'd be much happier standing up at a con and telling someone their behaviour was unacceptable than at work, though. After all, keeping a roof over my head doesn't depend on keeping people happy at a con...
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I have spoken up in the office once - when people were "joking" about gay people (including speculating on the sexuality of one of our senior administrators based on her hairstyle) - but I have a contract "to retiring age" and have worked here over a decade. And even then, I felt I had to make it a 'light' response - just said "hey, I'm not sure you're being entirely appropriate here" with a smile as though I wasn't furious. But the people concerned changed the subject, and it hasn't happened in my hearing since.
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I'm glad they have realised that casual homophobia isn't an indulgence you appreciate. I hope it causes them to think twice before doing it in front of other people, too.
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Cultural fluency is usually used as a marker of belonging to the majority group. I lack the common physical markers of being half-Asian: no epicanthic folds, no black hair.
Being a native, fluent speaking of English, knowing all the American cultural in-jokes, behavior patterns, having paler skin, an English first name and not looking half-Asian means that I am presumed to be white.
My behavior pattern doesn't fit the American cultural stereotypes for what Asian people do, so people assume whiteness in the absence of physical markers.
This might change as mixed-race marriages become more common, and people understand the wide variation in looks for mixed-race people, but right now I don't find that to be the case, at least where I live.
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This whole discussion seems to conflate ethnicity with culture. (I don't mean that as a criticism or an accusation; I'm just explaining the source of my confusion.) Behavior and culture are, of course, closely linked. I understand how changing one's behavior to fit in with a different culture, and downplaying one's own culture, could be described as playing American/British/whatever. But if one's natural behavior leads others to make incorrect assumptions, that doesn't seem like playing anything. Would you feel more authentic if you faked an Asian accent (of whichever language would be appriorate for you)? That other people make false assumptions just shows that in this global age, we shouldn't make so many assumptions about race and heritage.
Full disclosure: I'm a white male, and I have a lot of privelege, but I do know something of multiculturalism because I'm from an immigrant family and grew up with two cultures, speaking two languages.
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For me, the jarring assumption isn't that people don't automatically recognize me as Asian. I understand that I read as 'white', and it rarely irks me. There are two cases that will definitely irk me, which I run across not too often, but often enough that I remember them and see the pattern:
1) White people making jokes about Asian people in front of me, expecting me to laugh because I'm white (aka 'one of them') and therefore going to find their joke funny. Variations on this include people not understanding why I find Asian stereotypes distressing and personal, even when they're aware of my background.
2) Asian people denying that I'm mixed race, because I don't 'look right'. By denying, I mean telling me to my face that I'm lying after I mention 'oh, that's cool, my mother is from X'.
The things that irk me are when people expect me to give them a free-pass on their racism, because I appear to be white, or when people who are non-white state that I don't have the right to claim descent, because I look too white to them.
I think both cases are exactly what you mentioned, where other people conflate ethnicity with culture. I think we're fundamentally agreeing. Ethnicity doesn't conflate with culture, but a lot of people I've encountered feel that it should.
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This, so much, this.
In most situations, conversation such as:
Person A: 'Statement involving an Asian-joke'
Boundbooks: Hey, I'm half-Asian.
Person A + surrounding group thinking: 'Man, that Boundbooks just made the conversation awkward.'
The conversational 'blame' is usually assigned to the person who points the racism out, not the person who made the racist statement.
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Yes. This is why I have trained myself to stay silent, or at the most, to make my excuses and walk away from the conversation. Either way, it's tiresome and depressing.
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That may not sound like much of a cross to bear
It does. It really, really does. :(
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So very sorry that you've had these experiences, too.
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FWIW, as a white, well-spoken, middle-class, educated, Anglo-Saxon male, I've started getting this (a very, very tiny version of it) when my boss comes up from down south. Yes, I live in Scotland. We're not all hairy-arsed barbarians in blue woad.
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Yes. And if you say anything that shows you don't like it, they wonder why you're making such a fuss.
I recall speaking to an acquaintance - an Englishman who'd spent a number of years living in Scotland - and he said he never, ever stopped being jibed about his Englishness. His friends and colleagues thought nothing of calling him priggish, uptight, poncey, posh (none of which he is, and he doesn't have a posh accent), etc. It seems to be a rather heinous hazing ritual. If you can cope with being endlessly needled about your race, you must be an all right character.
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... It may also be that such people are only willing to make remarks from a degree of removal, say, in a written survey or in the comfort zone of a blog post in a sympathetic community.
Thank you for putting into words the nastiness behind the mess that's still ongoing on my blog and why I never considered doing any in-person calling out. I would like to become the kind of ally who can do in-person calling out, but it's daunting; my admiration for those who do it is tremendous. Thank you for your support. I hope that I can continue to be a helpful ally.
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Well-behaved women seldom make history.
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I think that takes a long, long time to build that kind of courage. Lots of experience in thinking about, writing about and speaking about these issues. The knowledge that you have the support of a community behind you also helps enormously.
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My daughter S. is biracial (black/white.) Most people assume she is white, though some people have told me they wondered if she might be part hispanic or native American. A girl at her school said the kids thought S. might be Hawaiian - when I told the girl S. was part black and part white, the girl, who is black herself, said "That makes sense." I always check both the black and white boxes on official forms, but when I get forms back from the doctor or school, they have usually been filled out according to the "filler-outer's" perception of her appearance - i.e. white. I wonder a lot how this will play out in the development of her own racial identity. I'll be very interested in hearing more of your thoughts about racial issues.
I hate conflict and confrontation, but I have had good results simply responding to racist comments with non-confrontational phrases like "That hasn't been my experience of X people." I usually go on with a sentence or two that takes exception to the stereotype. That approach was easier for me, because I wasn't flat-out calling someone a racist, I was just sharing my experience. As I've gotten more comfortable, I've said things like "You know, people of all races do that" or "That doesn't have anything to do with race." That makes people more defensive, but sometimes I think they need to be called out more directly. Usually people backpedal pretty quickly, and I hope that I might have caused them to think twice. If not, at least they know I'm not complicit with their views.
One phrase I'm going to start using is "Why would you assume that?" It might be revealing to see how people would respond to you if you tried that phrase. I bet some would instantly realize their mistake and apologize, while others would blunder on digging themselves deeper (and possibly hurting you more, I don't know) Anyhow I hope you find a way to respond to those hurtful statements that is comfortable for you.
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Goodness me, not at all! My initial reaction was:
"Dear Dandelion Salad, You are AWESOME. Your comment made me tear up a little. It was so helpful in contextualising my frustration. And it provides new avenues of action for me to explore. Thank you, Nanila"
I like your idea of saying "People of all races do that" and "That doesn't have anything to do with race." After years of working in science, I have gotten comfortable doing that when confronting gender stereotypes, so I think I might just be ready to tackle racial ones in that way now. :)
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My fairness (or rather, paleness), educational background, and language (as explained in the reply to
...if there are PoCs in attendance and they are minorities, they may be the type, like me, that have conditioned themselves so well that they can't bring themselves to be critical, even if they do hear racist remarks.
Definitely the case for me, too, particularly with regard to race but also other things like class.