2021 questions (9/365)

[nanila]

January 9
What makes you suspicious of other people?

I will assume here you are talking about strangers, and that in this context I'm encountering them unaccompanied by friends or acquaintances.

While my demeanour tends toward friendly and smiling, my first approach to judging everyone is to assume their alignment is true neutral until demonstrated otherwise. If they show even the slightest amount of aggression toward me or anyone else in close proximity, then further interaction is off the table and I will move away as quickly as possible. I'm also suspicious of unprovoked excessive concern, kindliness or attempts at physical closeness or contact. Experience has shown that this is just as worthy of suspicion, since it can often turn to aggression with very little notice, if rebuffed.

Comments

[cmcmck]

Do you find the West Midlands hard work? People here tend to be very touchy feely and chatty and like to engage closely.

This is making the whole covid thing very difficult for a lot of people in ways you wouldn't see so much in a big city.

I'm used to it as I had grandparents from the region and having spent time in a country like Belgium which is similar in social interaction probably helped.

[nanila]

I don't meet a lot of new people (even in pre-covid times) so I hadn't really noticed. I wonder whether covid will have a long-term impact on previously touchy-feeling subcultures - there are a lot of children growing up now who are having distancing behaviours strongly inculcated in them.

[cmcmck]

I suspect it could be horribly damaging but so much of what they claim to be 'protection' is going to be! :o(

[semianonymous]

FYI, your question numbers have two 7's and no 8. I'm assuming this isn't because of some weird ambivalence to the number 8. But if so, hey, no judgement.

[nanila]

Ha, no, it was just me copying the previous day's subject line and forgetting to increment. It's fixed now. Thanks!

[lilysea]

In the Before-COVID-times, I was suspicious of:

people who looked like they would touch/grab me or do verbal ableist harassment - based on my personal experiences this is mainly [altho not entirely] white women over 50 and white men over 50. I am white and 44 and I have found that white people older than me are much more likely to do ableist harassment to me, including unwanted and potentially dangerous nonconsensual touch to me or my power wheelchair.

people who looked like they might be wearing a lot of spray-on-deodorant or perfume [migraine trigger for me, so I want to keep my distance, especially on public transport]
based on my personal experiences, this is mainly
male teens/20 somethings;
people in high vis or tradies uniforms;
female teens/20 somethings.

Also if someone had a nasty cough in preCOVID times I would feel very suspicious that they were contagious with something that would leave me bedbound for days and move away. [In post COVID times I very rarely leave home, and when I do it's eg 8pm at night wearing a face mask and trying to stay 2 metres or even 5 metres away from ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE, not just people who are coughing]

[nanila]

In pre-covid times it was tough enough to move through a world where there are quite so many people who must be avoided in order for you to keep safe. This is much worse. I'm sorry. :(

[silveradept]

That's got to be exhausting, even though I know why it's fully warranted, and why my privileged self has never had to think about either of those two extremes as dangerous to safety in any manner more than academic.

[nanila]

It is tiresome (and thank you for acknowledging that). I guess one small consolation is that it takes a lot less energy once you have a few years of practice.

[omnipotent]

I'm also suspicious of unprovoked excessive concern, kindliness or attempts at physical closeness or contact.

And rightfully so. I also think people who do this are seeking personal information (about you or your family or your private life) with which to potentially manipulate/embarrass/humiliate you later. I know way too many people to whom this has happened, and am one myself. I think it's why many minorities I know tend to embrace the "move in silence" approach.

[nanila]

Yeah. Assuming that everything nice you tell someone could be thrown back in your face is not a particularly fun approach to take, but it frequently comes in useful as emotional armour.