Keiki: The one-preschooler answer to the question, "Is four too young for Lovecraft?"

[nanila]

The great thing about having a sister-out-law who is a spooky/goth type is having a sister-out-law who is also a spooky/goth type.

The not-so-great thing about having a sister-out-law who is a spooky/goth type is...actually no, there are no down sides in this scenario.

Anyway, spooky/goth sister-out-law gave the children "The Call of Cthulhu", children's book edition, for Christmas this year. They didn't pay exceptional attention to it then, being inundated with new books at the time.

However, the bloke picked it out for bedtime reading a few nights ago, and Keiki has become completely obsessed with it. He carries it around, and pores over it on the car journeys to and from pre-school.

Here is a selection of the questions I was asked this morning. I was on my own as the bloke had gone to London for a one-day meeting.

1. Mummy, how many baby Cthulhus are there?
   
2. Mummy, why does Cthulhu like killin' people?
   
3. Mummy, are there any nice Cthulhus?
   
4. Mummy, why does Cthulhu want to rule the universe?
   
5. Mummy, how was Cthulhu born?
   
6. Mummy, since Cthulhu lives in the sea, is he friends with the sharks?
   
7. Mummy, why does Cthulhu have wings if he spends all his time in the ocean?

Answers on a postcard. Or in the comments, please.

Comments

[corvidology]

Lil Cthulhu is all over youtube so you might be able to find some of the answers there. :D

[alexseanchai]

given Things I've Heard about YouTube Kids, this makes me Nervous

[alexseanchai]

(I don't actually Lovecraft, your kid is a braver soul than I, but)

I bet Cthulhu loves sharks. [insert list of Cool Shark Facts, centered if Keiki-safe on how vicious predators they can be]

[siliconshaman]

Funny bit of synchronicity this... I was just writing about Cthulhu.

[davidgillon]

"The Call of Cthulhu", children's book edition

Aiieee! SAN Loss 1D6/1D10

[cosmolinguist]

Well the wings are clearly helping him swim. Like flippers do.

[azurelunatic]

Penguins! :D

[miss_s_b]

My Hol still has her toddler necronomicon. Embrace the soul trending horrors, I say

[gorgeousnerd]

I feel like Cthulhu would be a good friend to sharks. Just an instinct.

[davidgillon]

Sharks, the snacks you can eat between devouring worlds!

[worlds_of_smoke]

that is hilariously adorable. XD

[ironed_orchid]

1. Billions.
2. He doesn't like being woken up before it's time to rise.
3. Yes. (see icon)
4. It's important to have goals.
5. He was spawned.
6. Yes.
7. He sleeps in the ocean, but in his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming of flying.

[st_aurafina]

But are you sure your son is ready for this kind of arcane knowledge?

[angrboda]

I'm a bit mindboggled that such a book even exists in the first place... I wouldn't have thought it possible. O.o

Well ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Mummy, how many baby Cthulhus are there?<<

None. Cthulhu is a cephalopod. They die after breeding.

>> Mummy, why does Cthulhu like killin' people? <<

It is hungry.

>> Mummy, are there any nice Cthulhus? <<

As there is only one, no.

Well, not in that 'verse. siliconshaman and I came up with a quite different version.

>> Mummy, why does Cthulhu want to rule the universe? <<

Because it's there?

>> Mummy, how was Cthulhu born? <<

Once upon a time, some radiation got into the ocean ...

>> Mummy, since Cthulhu lives in the sea, is he friends with the sharks? <<

Yep. Just like clownfish and anemones are friends. Scraps.

>>Mummy, why does Cthulhu have wings if he spends all his time in the ocean?<<

See above re: radiation.

[bryangb]

🤣

And yes, penguins!

("Billions of babies" sounds more of a Shub-Niggurath thing, though.)

[bob]

1) there is only one
2) it doesnt liek killing them. it doesnt care
3) no
4) who doesn't want to?
5) it wasn't born it just is
6) cthulu is friends with no one
7) penguins!

[fauxklore]

I gave a friend a book titled something like "A Child's Garden of Elder Gods" a while back. That wasn't actually the title, but it was along those lines.

Those same children also received tentacle kitty plushies from me.

[cmcmck]

Good questions, those! :o)

[recessional]

1. He is imaginary, so as many as you like. Canonically there is only one Cthulhu, but anyone familiar with fandom should know this means nothing.

2. They are nummy. Also they keep waking him up and annoying him, kind of like ants crawling all over you in bed. If people would just leave him alone, we'd be fine.

3. This question requires a definition of "nice"; however, see also answer to #1. Keiki can always headcanon one who might be nice if people didn't wake him up like ants crawling all over people in bed.

4. Doylistically, because Lovecraft had a limited imagination and could not grasp the idea of entities that did not seek power and status in ways similar to naked plains apes. Watsonianly, the Great Old Ones are literally beyond human ken so it's entirely possible he doesn't, or that we are misinterpreting some other Need as being "ruling the universe".

5. Doylistically, the class cepholopoda apparently creeped Lovecraft the goddamnhell out of his little tiny mind. Watsonianly he was probably spawned out of the great chaos.

6. Yes.

7. Because he is only sleeping in the ocean. It is his bed. When he wakes up he will fly.

[doccy]

*gasp* Has he been exposed to "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Fishmen"? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVFIWD1VmB0

It's a festive favourite, but good for any time!

(See also: "Shoggoth On The Roof")

[silveradept]

Those are adorable questions. Also, I'm a bit "Hrm" about it taking an Elder God to bring them got, but curiosity is to be encouraged, right?

[hamsterwoman]

I have no answers for Keiki (beyond a gut feel that Cthulhu and sharks would get along) but I do admire the questions XD