Day 85/365: The Friday Five on a Monday

[nanila]

1. What is the most important lesson you have learned from your love life?
   Losing someone you love doesn’t make you unlovable.
   
   
2. When it comes to love, are you an optimist or a cynic?
   Optimist forever.
   
   
3. You see a long lost ex walking down the street. Are you more likely to approach him/her or just keep walking?
   If it’s someone I’m still in contact with, I’ll say hi. If it isn’t, walk on.
   
   
4. Do you believe in the idea of a soul mate?
   Well, since I don’t believe in souls, probably not. What I believe is that there are probably lots of people you can be happy with in romantic relationships, for variable lengths of time. If you happen to find one that you can be happy with exclusively for many years, that’s wonderful for you. If you don’t, or don’t want to, that’s 100% fine and there should be a lot fewer social, financial and legal constructs in place to make your life difficult because of that.
   
   
5. Care to share any relationship stories?
   Not a specific story, but more of a “this is a thing I knew with my brain but it took me ages to put it into practise”. And that is: You don’t have to enjoy everything your romantic partner likes to do. Sure, it probably helps to have a certain amount of overlap, particularly in the bedroom. But if you try something they enjoy and it doesn’t float your boat (or vice versa) then it’s best to accept that early on. Establish a pattern of having your separate evenings now and then to do your own things without resentment.

Comments

[fauxklore]

Re: #5, I have long believed that common values are what matters, rather than common interests. I was in a long-distance relationship long enough to get used to doing things on my own, so it isn't a big deal if a partner doesn't want to do something I want to, as long as he doesn't try to stop me from doing it.

[pax_athena]

Oh ... "this!" on the common values. So much yes!

[nanila]

I agree that common values are very important. I once split up with someone after he said he thought the immigrants who died trying to cross from Mexico into the USA deserved no sympathy.

[mysterysquid]

Amen to number five.

[nanila]

It's an obvious thing, but often quite difficult to practise when you're all awash in new-relationship-googly-eyed-ness.