Day 35/183: The Iceland Phallological Museum

[nanila]

Is it appropriate to post about a penis museum on International Women’s Day? Rather than spend any time at all pondering the answer, I’m just going to go right ahead and do that. The photo above is not from the penis museum. It is one of the sculptures from the “Sculpture and Shore walk” along the Reykjavik coastline. I took a photo of the bronze plaque with the title and artist but it’s unreadable so I’m calling it “ballast against the penis” since it is more yoni than lingam. Below the cut are a lot of penises, mostly in jars, so it’s probably best to label the rest of this post NOT SAFE FOR WORK.


This penis-handled shot-glass tray was lovingly carved by the museum’s founder, a phallus-obsessed gentleman by the name of Sigurður Hjartarson. The cabinet also featured a salt-and-pepper shaker set, a gavel which he used to bring meetings of the Phallological Society to order, and a toothpick dispenser. The urologist found the shape of the penis above very disturbing.

Bearded seal penises, and a titillating poem about walrus winkies.

A view of the museum’s interior. Note lampshades made from tanned walrus testicle. They gave off a rather warm and inviting light.

Minke whale penises (immature specimen on the right).

A selection of mammalian penises in jars, with bull penis bones on the table. Did you know that humans are amongst the very few mammals who don’t have a penis bone? This is because they don’t have to mate repeatedly in a very short space of time (although obviously this is an option) in order to ensure the survival of the species. The boner, at least for humans, is a misnomer. Henceforth, chaps, I’ll grant you a stiffy, but no, you do not have a boner.

Sperm whale penis, behind my companions for scale. The two most memorable facts I learnt were that 1) this is not the whole penis, only the part that extrudes from the body, as to include the whole thing from root to tip would have required the cylinder to extend through the ceiling, and 2) a single ejaculation from the adult male penis consists of two gallons of semen.

I think this might be another sperm whale penis? I have forgotten now. TOO MANY PENISES.

Another shot of the interior, with a person looking very unimpressed at the dried penises sticking out from the wall opposite them.

More fun penis facts! The male opossum has a bifurcated penis. The female opossum has matching forked vaginas and twin uteri. Mad props to the opossum for a hella creative approach to reproductive resilience.

We also learnt that a building in the town from which my companions originated (Ypsilanti, Michigan) is counted amongst the world’s largest phallic symbols. The end of the description reads, “...the executive manager of the building project allegedly hoped no one would notice its distinctively phallic shape. His hopes were not realised.”

Wooden penis lamp, with tanned testicle lampshade, at a rather jaunty angle.

At last, we come to man. It’s a bit of a let-down after all those whale penises, isn’t it. Sorry, lads. I think we can make an allowance given that this is the penis of a 76-year-old Icelandic man and thus unlikely to be the most impressive specimen.

Here, have some seal penises to cheer you up.

We were pretty hungry after all that, so after plundering the gift shop - did I mention, urologists - we went to find some lunch that was appropriate to the theme.

That’s a vegan hot dog the Icelandic way, with sweet onion and crispy onion underneath, and un-mayo, mild mustard, and ketchup on top. Washed down with a “breakfast beer” (2.25% ABV).

Comments

[cmcmck]

Um...probably not- the ones with those get every other day after all.

[nanila]

At least they're all detached from their deceased owners in this instance?

Anyway I spent today in Reykjavik in the company of two other women and we enjoyed ourselves immensely, walking and taking photos and listening to chamber music at the Harpa. We also had tuna tacos for supper because it was funny. We patronised a bar run by women for our evening drinks. I think we did all right celebrating the day.

[kotturinn]

Sounds like you all had a good time!

[nanila]

Oh yes. We learned a lot too!

[silveradept]

I have seen the brick dick in Ypsilanti, and there's no mistaking it for anything other than a large phallus.

That was a lot of penises and related material to examine for one day.

[nanila]

It certainly looks obvious in the photos.

We came across a sign today on the Sculpture and Shore walk that listed commonly spotted sea mammals. We immediately went "...two gallons of semen, five gallons of semen, mates for fun," etc. Good to know we had retained the information.

[silveradept]

Information retention is good! As is having a novel situation to practice recall with.

[hamsterwoman]

This was a blast! I am especially impressed that, other than the sperm whale penis with person for scale, there is actually very little overlap (if any) with the photos I saw from my parents' visit. (The one I remember from that was the display case of the bronzed penises of the Olympic handball team, or whatever sport that was.)

[nanila]

You can see the case with the bronze penis casts in one of the wider angle interior shots. :) I'm glad we went to the museum; I shan't soon forget the experience.

[askygoneonfire]

Brilliant!

I am something of a conniseur of museums of the unusual but broadly sexual[ity] based and have wanted to visit here!

".the executive manager of the building project allegedly hoped no one would notice its distinctively phallic shape. His hopes were not realised.”
I particularly enjoyed this. I hope all the descriptions were this savage.

[nanila]

Yep, the descriptions on the walls had the same drily humourous tone as the audio tour. I think you would enjoy touring this museum very much.

[st_aurafina]

SO. MANY. COCKS.

[nanila]

From a tremendous variety of species!

[azurelunatic]

I recently learned that some of the legends of huge tentacles from under the sea were probably whale peen, and it's important information to sit with.

[nanila]

Yes, the museum displayed a few photos of whale peen in situ, emerging from the waves, and that was like WHOA. O.O

[omnipotent]

I suddenly have a desire for penis-handled objects to come into my life. I guess it's enough that my stovetop spoon rest looks somewhat phallic.

Now the size alone of this walrus bone
would indeed arouse envious thinking

*raises eyebrow, muffles a chuckle*

Though the climate is frigid, the walrus is rigid

My, Mr. Service has quite a way with words.

Pray, why is not man so endowed?

I...am not so sure that would be a good thing, and I'm surprised to write that given that I tend to be rather cock-enthusiastic despite the resounding lack of it in my life lmao

This was a delightful read.

[nanila]

Haha, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Should I ever return, I shall procure for you a penis-handled utensil. Do you prefer pizza cutter, cheese knife, or bottle opener?