![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Tidying Up with Marie Kondo: Ep 3
This was the episode that forced me to face the fact that I am VERY JUDGY AND ANGRY about USELESS DADS. With CAPSLOCK.
Ep 3: The Mersier family
Couple with two pre-teen children who moved from a big 4-bed house in Michigan to a two-bed flat in LA, so Mum could take advantage of an unspecified job opportunity (something in hair styling). All of them are sweet, energetic, and expressive. And apart from the mum, horribly disorganised. It becomes clear pretty quickly that not only is she the main breadwinner, she also does the bulk of the housework. A low simmer of rage begins bubbling inside me.
The kitchen is very packed. Husband: “This is my favourite room not to be in.” This is where we find out he doesn’t do any of the cooking. Son, talking about his preferred method of finding things: “I just spam [Mom’s] phone until she answers.” OOOOOERRRR. *glares*
The kids’ room is cluttered. Daughter: “There’s no space. It’s hard for me to feel like this is an actual home.” Wife starts crying. Everybody cuddles her. Well done guys but also, maybe try addressing the actual problem that’s driving her to tears. So. Much. Rage.
Wife: “I feel like I’m to blame...Mom is the one who’s supposed to cook and clean and make home home...I feel like I’m failing in that area.” GIRL NO MAKE THAT LAZY S.O.B PULL HIS WEIGHT. Ahem. And the kids too, but it’s not so much their fault especially if they’re watching the dad adopt exactly the same coping strategies (e.g. rely completely on the mom).
These lot let MK do her house-greeting ritual on their own. I mean, they have a moment but it’s more about all of them being together. I like these guys. It’s not just me who’s really not into the mystical house connection thing!
Time to make the clothing mountains.
Wife: “I feel like I’m not setting her up to succeed at life. He’s twelve, she’s eleven; I should have been doing this since age five, just like you.” MK, warmly: “It’s never too late to start.” This is good counselling.
The family start on their homework going through their clothes. Brother: “Why did I do that to these shoes too?” *bends sole away from shoe* Sister: “Broooo, oh no! But those are such good shoes.”
MK returns to give a folding lesson. The fitted sheet folding instructions are quite useful but MK’s teaching persona freaks me out a bit. Something about the deliberate blinking.
MK queries Wife about whether she thinks some of the burden of tidying will be lifted from her through this process. Wife: “I’ll be able to guide them and it won’t just be me doing it.” YES YES well done you have graduated to management level.
Wife begins the process of teaching the family how to organise “for the sake of having a home and not just a house.” WILD APPLAUSE.
I get the feeling that this family (okay, the wife/mum) is taking on board the philosophy of the KonMari method more explicitly and obviously than the people in the previous episodes. You get the sense that there will be a long-lasting impact. Much as I liked the Akiyama couple, I got the sense they needed to go through the decluttering process once and then could easily let it lapse without much in the way of consequences, simply because they have a massive house. This family need to integrate everything about the tidying process into their daily lives, simply through lack of space.
Husband: “I never realised the pressure of doing having to do everything until I actually did it.” *long hard stare* *slow clap*
Wife: “My kids know how to take care of their resources!...This house is finally a home.” I’m so happy for you, lady. You deserve this.
All of them seem to have come to an awareness of collective effort that will be needed to keep it up. Even the husband. I just hope for Her sake that they all hold on to that realisation. *narrowed eyes*
Ep 3: The Mersier family
Couple with two pre-teen children who moved from a big 4-bed house in Michigan to a two-bed flat in LA, so Mum could take advantage of an unspecified job opportunity (something in hair styling). All of them are sweet, energetic, and expressive. And apart from the mum, horribly disorganised. It becomes clear pretty quickly that not only is she the main breadwinner, she also does the bulk of the housework. A low simmer of rage begins bubbling inside me.
The kitchen is very packed. Husband: “This is my favourite room not to be in.” This is where we find out he doesn’t do any of the cooking. Son, talking about his preferred method of finding things: “I just spam [Mom’s] phone until she answers.” OOOOOERRRR. *glares*
The kids’ room is cluttered. Daughter: “There’s no space. It’s hard for me to feel like this is an actual home.” Wife starts crying. Everybody cuddles her. Well done guys but also, maybe try addressing the actual problem that’s driving her to tears. So. Much. Rage.
Wife: “I feel like I’m to blame...Mom is the one who’s supposed to cook and clean and make home home...I feel like I’m failing in that area.” GIRL NO MAKE THAT LAZY S.O.B PULL HIS WEIGHT. Ahem. And the kids too, but it’s not so much their fault especially if they’re watching the dad adopt exactly the same coping strategies (e.g. rely completely on the mom).
These lot let MK do her house-greeting ritual on their own. I mean, they have a moment but it’s more about all of them being together. I like these guys. It’s not just me who’s really not into the mystical house connection thing!
Time to make the clothing mountains.
Wife: “I feel like I’m not setting her up to succeed at life. He’s twelve, she’s eleven; I should have been doing this since age five, just like you.” MK, warmly: “It’s never too late to start.” This is good counselling.
The family start on their homework going through their clothes. Brother: “Why did I do that to these shoes too?” *bends sole away from shoe* Sister: “Broooo, oh no! But those are such good shoes.”
MK returns to give a folding lesson. The fitted sheet folding instructions are quite useful but MK’s teaching persona freaks me out a bit. Something about the deliberate blinking.
MK queries Wife about whether she thinks some of the burden of tidying will be lifted from her through this process. Wife: “I’ll be able to guide them and it won’t just be me doing it.” YES YES well done you have graduated to management level.
Wife begins the process of teaching the family how to organise “for the sake of having a home and not just a house.” WILD APPLAUSE.
I get the feeling that this family (okay, the wife/mum) is taking on board the philosophy of the KonMari method more explicitly and obviously than the people in the previous episodes. You get the sense that there will be a long-lasting impact. Much as I liked the Akiyama couple, I got the sense they needed to go through the decluttering process once and then could easily let it lapse without much in the way of consequences, simply because they have a massive house. This family need to integrate everything about the tidying process into their daily lives, simply through lack of space.
Husband: “I never realised the pressure of doing having to do everything until I actually did it.” *long hard stare* *slow clap*
Wife: “My kids know how to take care of their resources!...This house is finally a home.” I’m so happy for you, lady. You deserve this.
All of them seem to have come to an awareness of collective effort that will be needed to keep it up. Even the husband. I just hope for Her sake that they all hold on to that realisation. *narrowed eyes*
no subject
And the straight up speed with which the dad started doing things and also his awareness that it wasn't entirely fair to start with kinda confirmed to me that there was at least some of that going on, along with her initial habit of taking over the organizing that the kids were doing, and that it seemed very....revelatory? When Marie walked get through the idea of "maybe explicitly teach them how you want things and then make it their responsibility."
no subject
no subject
What I cannot. and. will. not tolerate is the one where someone goes:
- A thing needs to be done!
- I am overwhelmed and overworked by doing all the things! (<--it literally doesn't matter if this is true or not: it may be! It may be VERY VALID! That's besides the point.)
- I do not want to ASK for help!
- I do not want to EXPLAIN and TELL people what I want!
- Instead of doing either of those things I will just do all the things!
- BUT I WILL RESENT IT!!!!
- BECAUSE I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DO ALL THE THINGS!!!!!
- Other people should TAKE INITIATIVE. And THINK FOR THEMSELVES. And DO THINGS.
- Exactly the way I want them to.
- When I want them to do it.
- Without me having to take action to make this happen in any way.
- If other people do not do this, they are useless/evil/bad/lazy/don't love me.
That's where I hit fuuuuuuck off.
But it's also, ironically, where a lot of feminine socialization and crap . . . ends up putting women I deal with! (I am a woman, to just note.) Because they're not allowed to ask for help because that's Inconvenient, and since they intuitively know What The Right Way To Do Things Is so should everyone else it's Just Common Sense, so clearly if anyone really loved them or cared about them, other people would chip in to help.
And the help would be EXACTLY the same way they would do things.
Which like: I am willing to make a good faith effort to cooperate on shared tasks and communicate different needs but I am not a fucking mind-reader so if you WANT that much control over how I do things you need to PUT THAT MUCH EFFORT into telling me how you want them done, and otherwise we are not going to get along.