Tidying Up with Marie Kondo: Ep 3

[nanila]

This was the episode that forced me to face the fact that I am VERY JUDGY AND ANGRY about USELESS DADS. With CAPSLOCK.

Ep 3: The Mersier family

Couple with two pre-teen children who moved from a big 4-bed house in Michigan to a two-bed flat in LA, so Mum could take advantage of an unspecified job opportunity (something in hair styling). All of them are sweet, energetic, and expressive. And apart from the mum, horribly disorganised. It becomes clear pretty quickly that not only is she the main breadwinner, she also does the bulk of the housework. A low simmer of rage begins bubbling inside me.

The kitchen is very packed. Husband: “This is my favourite room not to be in.” This is where we find out he doesn’t do any of the cooking. Son, talking about his preferred method of finding things: “I just spam [Mom’s] phone until she answers.” OOOOOERRRR. *glares*

The kids’ room is cluttered. Daughter: “There’s no space. It’s hard for me to feel like this is an actual home.” Wife starts crying. Everybody cuddles her. Well done guys but also, maybe try addressing the actual problem that’s driving her to tears. So. Much. Rage.

Wife: “I feel like I’m to blame...Mom is the one who’s supposed to cook and clean and make home home...I feel like I’m failing in that area.” GIRL NO MAKE THAT LAZY S.O.B PULL HIS WEIGHT. Ahem. And the kids too, but it’s not so much their fault especially if they’re watching the dad adopt exactly the same coping strategies (e.g. rely completely on the mom).

These lot let MK do her house-greeting ritual on their own. I mean, they have a moment but it’s more about all of them being together. I like these guys. It’s not just me who’s really not into the mystical house connection thing!

Time to make the clothing mountains.

Wife: “I feel like I’m not setting her up to succeed at life. He’s twelve, she’s eleven; I should have been doing this since age five, just like you.” MK, warmly: “It’s never too late to start.” This is good counselling.

The family start on their homework going through their clothes. Brother: “Why did I do that to these shoes too?” *bends sole away from shoe* Sister: “Broooo, oh no! But those are such good shoes.”

MK returns to give a folding lesson. The fitted sheet folding instructions are quite useful but MK’s teaching persona freaks me out a bit. Something about the deliberate blinking.

MK queries Wife about whether she thinks some of the burden of tidying will be lifted from her through this process. Wife: “I’ll be able to guide them and it won’t just be me doing it.” YES YES well done you have graduated to management level.

Wife begins the process of teaching the family how to organise “for the sake of having a home and not just a house.” WILD APPLAUSE.

I get the feeling that this family (okay, the wife/mum) is taking on board the philosophy of the KonMari method more explicitly and obviously than the people in the previous episodes. You get the sense that there will be a long-lasting impact. Much as I liked the Akiyama couple, I got the sense they needed to go through the decluttering process once and then could easily let it lapse without much in the way of consequences, simply because they have a massive house. This family need to integrate everything about the tidying process into their daily lives, simply through lack of space.

Husband: “I never realised the pressure of doing having to do everything until I actually did it.” *long hard stare* *slow clap*

Wife: “My kids know how to take care of their resources!...This house is finally a home.” I’m so happy for you, lady. You deserve this.

All of them seem to have come to an awareness of collective effort that will be needed to keep it up. Even the husband. I just hope for Her sake that they all hold on to that realisation. *narrowed eyes*

Comments

[ayebydan]

I hate husbands like that too. My dad is frustrating in how he helps (creates more mess first, takes over every counter of a room, takes forever but it is done) but he helps. He also calls out his co-workers on the regular.

work mate saw my dad take the company hoover into his van to clean it and said
wm: 'the fuck, mate? that's wummin's wurk'
dad: 'ye never hoover then?'
wm: 'naw that's fer the mrs'
dad: 'whit de you dae then?'
wm: *laughs* 'work!'
dad: 'aye and so does ma mrs. i hoover and clean the kitchen and does the living room and bedroom. the bairn does the cooking and bathroom. three adults in the hoose, mate'
wm: 'yer a fanny, letting those twa dictate'
dad: 'how bout i come shove this hoover up yer erse and ye can say that again'


lol

[gorgeousnerd]

The husband in episode 1 infuriated me way more than the one in episode 3. Not saying husband 3 doesn't deserve it! I just saw red when a guy who's out of the house a lot (60-hour work week???) judges his wife for hiring out for laundry when she has two small kids to watch. Laundry is terrible when you have sole responsibility for it! It's even worse when you have little kid clothes to wash frequently!!!

I really felt for the wife in this episode. The rest of the house could have stood up and offered to learn a lot earlier without TV crew intervention, and she seemed to be taking on all the blame. But at least the family all really seemed to care for each other.

[recessional]

I was surprised how much I didn't have that reaction to this guy, mostly because I . . .recognized in the wife what certain female members of my own family do?

Which is that it was very clear to me that up until this (and sometimes even through it, in a couple of cases) things needed to be how she intended to the point where she did in fact go into the middle of her kids doing the work and start cleaning up their stuff without them present.

And I know why that is, but the side effect of it is that it's actually very hard and hostile and stressful for the other members of the family to build any of their own habits that way? And it's easier just to . . . not, because "not" means you're not getting constant "no do this instead, no I'm doing X with that you're messing it up, no that needs to go there" - because part of the motivation is the sense that the state of the home/etc is a reflection on her as a person, there's a huge OWNERSHIP that she very clearly does take?

And I was really pleased that she did grasp that she had to let the kids have ownership as much as she needed to get them to do the work, because that was . . . a battle . . . in our house.

And it can be very hard to bring that issue around and address it, because it absolutely does end up with the person who's doing that doing a hugely unfair amount of the work, and it also means that work is benefitting the people who aren't doing it? But if you don't address the ownership and investment and letting go of control you can't actually fix it (at least not without it becoming . . . unfortunate . . . in its dynamics in a whole new way).

[shirou]

I am great at decluttering. I find clutter stressful, and I derive great joy clearing out spaces and tossing (or donating) bags of unused stuff. By contrast, my wife develops sentimental attachments to objects and isn't much bothered by clutter. The difference wasn't a problem when we were younger, but with the explosion of stuff that accompanies children, it has been a bigger source of tension.

Recently, my wife has given me her support to do more decluttering. We've outgrown all the baby furniture, and the kids received a mountain of Christmas presents, so we need the space. I am relishing the task, but I've resisted watching Tidying Up with MK for fear it would give me so much enthusiasm I would scare my wife and lose her long-sought endorsement.

[annofowlshire]

The benefit of my male partner being around useless male partners, is that he suddenly feels inspired to Up His Game. Now, he's pretty decent from the get-go. So I get this temporary Super Star Power Husband for a while. XD

I feel bad for the partners of the useless ones, though -_-

[ursajoanna]

Oh no! I fell massively in love with this family, there was so much joy and affection and patience and creativity and humour and brightness radiating out of every single one of them. (You definitely have a point, I was just blind to it when watching!)

[emelbe]

Not reading these yet since I want to watch them as fresh as social media will allow me to but! They've reminded me of last seasons Bake Off posts that I put off for a similar reason so I'm gonna trundle off and read those now.

[askygoneonfire]

Yep, the father pissed me off too. I was HORRIFIED by the 'fitted sheet' folding lesson, that's not how you fold a fitted sheet (it's ALL ABOUT THE CORNERS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15PWtE2Yrqs ) I did, like you, feel that this family gained more than most of other so far.

[cmcmck]

Mine does his share and it isn't exactly rocket science is it?

Oh, wait........... :o)

[liseuse]

Yes, this man made me so annoyed! Dude, you do not get to be so blase about never cooking! Cook something!

Though, I did have major flashbacks to sniping arguments with my mother when I was living at home. She had very definite ways of doing things and if you did something in a way which was not exactly her way you might as well have created a tornado's worth of mess that she had to clean up. It was infuriating. And it made me never ever want to clean or tidy anything because there would still be a row if I did, it would just be a different row. I mean, I did clean and tidy things because that is what someone does when they're sharing space, but I also used to prepare myself for the row.

[uninvitedcat]

Huh. I thought the husband had dragged them all to LA for unspecified “better opportunities” for his music career, and she was doing her hair styling to keep them afloat while he... Well. He apparently contributed very little. (Yes, he annoyed me too, but saved himself because he realised that he and the kids needed to pitch in *and* that it’s work...)

[trascendenza]

This family was so lovely! But yeah, his rather casual attitude of how little he chips in was... not impressive, haha. I felt for the mom so much, because I've been that person who's asked "where are my keys?" or "what's my password again?" soooo many times. Her relief was so palpable on-screen!

[word_geek]

This episode is where I stopped watching, because I had the rage too. And I was happy that they got it, but I really want to know that they Kept Understanding it, and didn't backslide into Let Mom Do It mode.

I might go back, but I really felt annoyed by this family, even though I liked her.

H

[emelbe]

I was ready to rage, then and foreverafter, over the husband's casual incompetence but somehow... didn't? Maybe because Ep3Husband seemed to be All In and ready to reform and start contributing and Ep1Husband seemed like he was waiting for MK to fix his wife?

I was super happy for them, especially mom.