Topic Meme: Day 9

[nanila]

pulchritude said: feeling 'other' in Hawai'i vs. in the continental US vs in the UK

This is a particularly interesting one, especially after having just returned from the [continental] US. Apologies in advance for the number of quotation marks used in this post.

In Hawai'i, I didn't feel "other" because of my appearance or my ethnicity or my personality. Unlike a lot of the other children, I was not Chinese or Japanese or Filipino or Samoan or even native Hawai'ian. I was "hapa" - mixed race; usually East Asian + white, but can be any combination. There are a lot of hapa children in Hawai'i and many are brought up bilingual and bi- or multi-cultural. I had the latter but not the former. My parents did not make a special effort to speak Tagalog or Ilocano in our home. In fact, most of my cousins, who are Filipino-only, don't speak either language. I'm not sure if this is unique to our family or if it is part of the Filipino attitude toward cultural integration. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I never felt "other" in Hawai'i at all. Having been away for so long, I probably would feel it if I went back to live there, which makes me a little sad. The only way to have avoided that, however, would be never to have left in the first place.

Feeling "other" for the first time happened when I was moved to the continental US to go to school. Instead of being surrounded by children who looked like me and had the same mixed-Asian cultural experience, I was surrounded by white children. The most popular children were blonde-haired and blue-eyed, and I very quickly learned that I would never be one of them. My confidence was dashed. My outgoing nature was subdued. I learned to guard my tongue against slips that would reveal that I ate "gross" food (e.g. Spam, noodles (?!)) or watched "weird" movies (e.g. kung fu). Since I was good at school-work, I adopted the mantle of "smartest girl in the class" and kept it through high school, which protected me from bullying to a certain extent - at least it meant the teachers were usually paying attention to me.

I feel "other" all the time in the UK simply because I'm American by birth and my accent gives me away (although my American relatives couldn't stop talking about my "British" accent). But it's an "other" I'm comfortable with, probably because I like and admire modern British culture, and have made an effort to study it and to integrate into it as best I can. Whenever I go back to the States, though, there is a repressed part of me that uncoils and relaxes. I get a bit louder, a bit more animated, a little more sweary, and somewhat more likely to share personal information. I don't even realise that that part of me had been tensed up and on alert while I'm in the UK, on guard against loosening of the tongue or oversharing of emotion, until I'm away.

Comments

[alwayswondered]

WTF at noodles being 'gross'. I don't like Spam—though it's such a British staple that my parents have had a tin of it (hopefully not the same tin) in the back of the fridge as long as I can remember—but noodles?

(Also I totally forgot that I was doing this meme. I will have to do the 14th's post tonight.)

[nanila]

I think noodles just aren't part of the suburban white American gastronomic repertoire. Hot dogs, burgers, french fries, pizza - these things are normal. But noodles that aren't the wheaty italian kind, e.g. rice or egg noodles, are "weird" to children who've never eaten them.

[caulkhead]

My granny, teaching Home Economics in the early sixties, told her pupils they would be making pizza the next week. Response; half the class came without ingredients:"My Dad says we don't like foreign food, miss". Six weeks later, she gave them the same list of ingredients, but told them they were making 'cheese and tomato surprise'. "My Dad really liked that, miss, we're having it again next week."

[pulchritude]

That's really interesting, since pizza is now considered a very USAmerican food!

[caulkhead]

I'm from the UK - and a particularly provincial part of it - which might well make a difference!

(People often claim visiting the Isle of Wight, where I come from, is like going back in time fifty years. They're wrong for all sorts of reasons, but sometimes I can see where they're coming from)

[pulchritude]

Oh, haha, oops! But pizza isn't really seen as foreign now in the UK, either, iirc, althought it was seen that way until the 70s (or so a BBC documentary told me!).

[pulchritude]

There's probably a generational element here, since the white USAmerican suburban kids I know wouldn't find noodles weird. (And pizza and pasta were foreign novelties in the UK until the 70s!)

[chickenfeet]

Having a "mid Atlantic" accent does feel a bit weird. I also find that it's become very fluid. Two pints in a Yorkshire pub and I sound like I've lived there all my life!

[nanila]

Yes, I definitely sound more American in the States. Since yours has an Australian influence too, can it really be called mid-Atlantic? You might have to go three-dimensional and call it a "central-Core" accent. :P

[chickenfeet]

I only spent a year in Australia so I don't think that's a big factor.

[kaberett]

<3

[cosmolinguist]

Having been away for so long, I probably would feel it if I went back to live there, which makes me a little sad. The only way to have avoided that, however, would be never to have left in the first place.

Yes, to all of this.

feel "other" all the time in the UK simply because I'm American by birth and my accent gives me away (although my American relatives couldn't stop talking about my "British" accent).

(Interestingly -- to me at least! -- opinion is very much split on whether my accent gives me away. Some people think I sound completely obviously American, some say they'd never have known it if I hadn't told them. I don't think I sound that different, but then I have failed to recognize recordings of my voice as being me until I realize that I can remember having said those words. So who knows. I did make some effort to change my accent to stick out less at a job where that was useful, and among my in-laws, when I first moved here; I got sick of what I said being ignored amidst the novelty of how I was saying it. Now, of course, I have exactly that problem when I'm back in the States, because my accent's changed more than I want it to and I can't seem to change it back. (Well, not to the satisfaction of the people who think I have "the British accent" anyway.))

But it's an "other" I'm comfortable with, probably because I like and admire modern British culture, and have made an effort to study it and to integrate into it as best I can.

I find this interesting but think I'm much less comfortable being "other." Maybe because I've never been "other" before, maybe because I don't like British culture that much, maybe because of the circumstances under which I moved here. Lots of food for thought, so thanks for that.

Whenever I go back to the States, though, there is a repressed part of me that uncoils and relaxes.

I had to laugh, because that's absolutely true for me too, but in the opposite direction: I try to be more self-effacing, I don't swear at all. :) But that's Minnesota for you.