These people still exist? WHY?

[nanila]

So tonight was the leaving do of one of my favourite people in the world whom I really don't want to go away, and I was all full of love for humankind because I'd just spent several hours laughing at uproariously geeky jokes and then I got on the train home four minutes before it left, which was a mistake.

It was a mistake because of the man who plonked down into the seat next to me. I happened to sit across from two Chinese dudes, and Mr Man, whom we shall henceforth refer to as Racist Assface, assumed that none of us could speak English. He turned to me and said, really loudly, "Do you know if this train goes to LETCH-WORTH?" (Anyone with the slightest degree of sensitivity will be able to picture the manner in which he spoke.)

"Yes," I answered calmly. "It does."

"Oh!" Racist Assface said delightedly. "You speak English!"

"Yes," I said. "It should arrive at Letchworth in 28 minutes' time."

"You speak really good English," Racist Assface replied.

I smiled frostily. And then his head exploded.*

* I may have simply wished this last bit.

I still can't quite believe this actually happened.

Comments

[kake]

GAH. Assface indeed.

[nanila]

Yes. He was mind-bogglingly offensive.

On a much nicer note, you're back! This calls for a happy Snoopy dance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUQX2B67KL4

[kake]

Hurrah for Snoopy!

[gorgeousnerd]

Ugh, what the hell?

[nanila]

I don't know. I should have told him, "No, sorry, I don't speak English."

[gorgeousnerd]

Ha! That would've been beautiful.

[vi]

Ew, he is an assface. Kudos to your frostiness.

[nanila]

To be honest, it was the guys across from me who prevented me from saying something nasty to him. One of them caught my eye, grinned, and rolled his eyes. Then he started speaking Mandarin quietly to his companion, pretending he hadn't understood. It was beautiful.

[lovepeaceohana]

I absolutely commend your frosty smile at Racist Assface, because I absolutely would have been shouting at him.

[nanila]

This would have been the best response. I'm going to save this up for next time. Because I know there will be a next time, sadly.

"Do you speak English?": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fijBUeqiW0g

[ironed_orchid]

I love those guys.

[vi]

That is a hilarious response! I must try this, although I suppose it would get me called a bitch.

One of my friends throws the surprise back in their face:

"You speak English!"
"[gasp] So do you!"

or

"Your English is so good!"
"Wow, thank you, yours is too! How long have you been learning?" etc.

[caulkhead]

I admire your frosty politeness. I would have been tempted to answer him in EXACTLY the same manner in which he spoke.

[nanila]

Oh, that would have been hilarious. I don't know if I'm bold enough to mirror someone like that, but it's certainly fun to imagine.

[alwayswondered]

Ugh, what a knob. His opener was bad enough, but then he kept making it worse. D:

[nanila]

He was so oblivious to his offensiveness. It was appalling.

[ironed_orchid]

His head may not have exploded, but mine is making a pretty good attempt.

I'm sorry you had the misfortune to encounter such a clueless idiot.

[nanila]

Thanks. The encounter certainly left me feeling I'd suddenly traveled back in time several decades.

[rmc28]

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

You know, if his head had exploded it would just have made a mess and there'd have been paperwork. He could have just fallen over in immense pain for a bit.

[nanila]

That's true. I wouldn't want to make more mess for those poor cleaners who have to go through and pick up a zillion newspapers, banana peels and half-full coffee cups every day.

[liseuse]

Ugh. I wonder if his head will explode now from the concentrated hate that is coming to him from the internet. I find myself kind of hoping it will.

[nanila]

Just so long as it doesn't leave a mess that someone else has to clean up.

[telegramsam]

Maybe he was some redneck bumpkin who has lived under a rock his whole life and just recently crawled out?

I recall the years I spent growing up in the foothills of the Appalachian mountains (from age 10, roughly, until graduation) and the most vehement racists were the ones who never set foot out of this rural community and had rarely seen anyone who wasn't also a rural redneck of the same sort.

Some of these kids had never had an actual conversation with somebody who wasn't white, for example. Most of their ideas about other races/cultures was straight off the television or whatever putrid bile they heard from their grandpappy.

Suffice it to say, the growing Hispanic population in the area, and the first couple black families to move into the count, sent them into absolute fits. It would have been hilarious, if the sheer level of their pure ignorance wasn't so serious.

[nanila]

It's possible that he was not maliciously ignorant. He was late-middle-aged and seemed to be disgusted with everything he looked at, especially the group of young people sitting at the table nearby who seemed to be design students (they were white and English). So maybe he just hated everybody that wasn't him, rather like the racists you grew up with.

[telegramsam]

Most of the racists I grew up with pretty well hated themselves and each other along with everything else in the universe, truth be told. Some people are just determined to be miserable old bastards. It IS rather annoying when you can't avoid them though, yes.