Posted by JenniferP

Dear Captain,

Since I moved in with my sister three months ago, I’ve been….missing things. Things that are important to me, things I wouldn’t normally lose. My boyfriend’s $700 camera. My only/favorite pair of sunglasses. An Adderall prescription.

I’ve complained about this to my sister. I’ve wondered aloud to her if our third roommate has been going in my room, or if one of the friends passing through isn’t as trustworthy as we think. I’ve talked to her about how weird it makes me feel to worry that people are in my room when I’m gone, about how much I hate to distrust anyone, about how I try to convince myself that there’s some innocent explanation I’m not seeing. It did not occur to me that she could have anything at all to do with the situation–I trusted her completely. Until the day before yesterday.

The day before yesterday, we found the camera. Well, I shouldn’t say we. She found it. We weren’t even looking for it. We were trying to find the bottle of adderall. The adderall had been missing for days, the camera had been missing for months. Within minutes of us starting the adderall search, she opened up the cabinet under the silverware drawer, moved the paper napkins, and said, “Hey, is *this* your boyfriend’s camera that’s been missing so long?” It was.

Normally that wouldn’t seem suspicious to me, just weird that it showed up in a place that neither I nor my boyfriend would ever put it, and weird that I’d been using the cabinet for months without noticing the camera. But I had just watched the episode of Mad Men where [spoiler!] Sally steals the $5 from Grandpa Gene and then “finds” the money when he makes a bigger deal of it than she had anticipated.

Pretty soon she was asking all these questions…didn’t my boyfriend already get a replacement? What was he gonna do with this one now that we found it? Did he want to sell it? It probably wasn’t worth as much as he paid for it, the case wasn’t made of great material, good but not great, could she buy it for a couple hundred dollars?

It all made me so, so uncomfortable.

And today I remembered that around the time my sunglasses went missing, my sister bought me a new pair. They were old-fashioned and had that tortoiseshell look, like the ones I lost, but they were cheap and much too narrow for my wide face. (Part of the reason I’d been so bugged by losing the first pair is that finding cute wide-framed glasses has always been difficult for me, and I’d spent a fair bit of money when I finally found a pair I liked.) Now that interaction seems tinged with weirdness to me…like, was she trying to make up for taking or breaking the sunglasses in the first place?

And the Adderall never showed up, which is such a huge hassle.

I don’t know. Obviously none of this is 100% proof that she took these things (or that anyone did! maybe I just lost them!). It would be so much easier if I knew for sure….even if I knew for sure that she did it, I wouldn’t be super mad. But I would feel justified in taking action to move out and protect myself. As it is, I’m stuck in a state of uncertainty, having to live with someone I don’t totally trust, and feeling guilty for being distrustful when she might be totally innocent. In fact, the only things that make me feel suspicious of her, are good things she did–finding the camera, buying new glasses.

Help me, Captain! Did she do it? And, given that you probably can’t answer that, how do I live with this doubt without being unfair to her or myself?

Signed,

Lina McLaidlaw

Dear Lina McLaidlaw,

You might never get the full story of where your stuff went or if it’s your sister’s fault, but here’s something you do know:

  1. You didn’t keep “losing” valuable stuff this way before you lived in this place with these people.
  2. It’s okay to take care of yourself around this by finding a new place to live even if you aren’t 100% sure what happened.

Like, maybe you don’t need beyond-a-reasonable-doubt legal case to say that something is off about the situation and to get out before it gets worse? If it is your sister, remove temptation. If she’s protecting or covering for a friend or roommate, or if she’s oblivious to what they are doing, remove yourself from that shitty situation. If your sister is totally innocent in all of this? You still get to move. Your reason can be as vague as “It’s not working out” or as specific as “My stuff keeps going missing and it’s really bothering me. I don’t want to blame anyone or accuse anyone, especially you, but I can’t live somewhere I don’t feel safe.” You’ve already talked to her about the missing stuff so it shouldn’t be a surprise.

Additionally:

Your boyfriend should not sell the camera to your sister or to anyone associated with her or anyone who lives in that house. Either keep it or sell it to literally anyone else. That whole situation smells.

While you live there, get a lock for your room’s door and a locked cabinet for things like meds, computers, camera equipment, jewelry. If your sister or roommates are suddenly offended by the idea of you locking things away, that is what is known as a telling detail. If you find yourself really resistant to the idea, like, I should NOT have to lock up MY THINGS inside MY OWN HOME, then…that’s one more argument for moving out.

This is so awkward, I’m sorry. Your instincts, especially re: the camera + controlled substance prescription drugs, are spot on. Trust those instincts and find a new place to live!

 


([syndicated profile] scalziwhatever_feed Oct. 23rd, 2017 02:34 pm)

Posted by John Scalzi

As you know if you follow me here or on other social media, I’ve lately been in the great state of California. What was I doing there? Well, in no particular order, going to and being a photographer for my niece’s wedding, seeing family and friends, having business meetings and going to my 30th(!) high school reunion. Not all at once, mind you. Mostly one after the other.

It was both an enjoyable and productive trip, but now I’m home and glad to be here and seeing my pets and sleeping in my own bed. I’ve also got about two weeks of mail to sift through. One thing I did open up immediately, however: The box from Tor that contained my author copies of the Old Man’s War mini-hardcover. Folks, it looks great, inside and out. I’m super pleased with this edition and would recommend it highly even if I wasn’t the author. If you’ve been looking for a print edition, this is the one to get.

In any event: I’m back in Ohio! And it’s nice to be home.


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October 23rd, 2017next

October 23rd, 2017: IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY LAST WEEK!! OTHER THINGS ARE IMPORTANT TOO BUT I'M STILL RIDING THIS WAVE

– Ryan

([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 23rd, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

Earlier today John had the song "What's This?" from Nightmare Before Christmas stuck in his head.

After looking at these Wrecks, now *I* do.

 

What's this? What's this?

There's color everywhere

 

What's this?

There's white things in the air

 

What's this?

It's orange and so hairy - what's the deal with those two berries? I don't care!

What's this?

[bumpahbumpahbumpabumpabumpabBUM]

 

What's this? What's this?

I can't believe my eyes,

 

What's this?

A donkey tank surprise?

What's this? A swirly mass so curly, could the purple be too girly? Should this song be ending early?

No we're going 'til we hurl-y!!

What's this?

 

Could it be, oh could it be? Did I get my wish?

Here's something that makes sense: a meteorite bird fiiiish!

What's this?

[dumpadumpadumpadumpbaBUM]

[wheeyouwheeyouwheeyouwhee...]

 

What's this? What's this? There's something very wrong!

 

What's this? That blue thing's really long.

What's this?

It's positively crappy, and yet I feel so happy, have I possibly gone sappy? I think I need a nappy 'cuz this song is kind of rappy so I guess I'll get a frappey and go shopping at the Gappy...

WHAT.

IS.

THIS?!?

 

S.K., Patrick T., Chris E., Reagan B., Rebekah W., Austin L., Alex S., Kaylyn M., & Mikaela, your guess is as good as mine.

Oh, and for your continued "enjoyment" I have a special treat today: while we were writing this post, John & #1 (aka "the other Jen") kept singing it to get the cadence right. This...got really entertaining.

So, I decided to tape them.

There were a few interruptions, but overall I think you'll find their rendition...um...well...just don't have the volume up too loud, k?

"Enjoy!"

(If you're wondering what my contribution is here, I'm the one doing the scrolling. And giggling.) Update from john: Please note that no animals were harmed during the making of this video. :)

*****

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And from my other blog, Epbot:


Posted by JenniferP

Dear Captain Awkward,

I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months now. He has this pattern of disappearing for a couple of days and then come back. At the beginning he was all super flirty on text and showered me with compliments and sent each other snaps and nudes and said all the sweet things like he wants to treat me like a princess and make me his. Lowkey I knew he was a fuckboy* because most of the time he wanted to sext and talk about fucking me. He said he wasn’t looking for a relationship but if we become more than something then sure but if we don’t then we continue being friends. I came out of a 4 year relationship couple of months ago so I have been out of the dating game for too long and I moved in here to California from a different country so the concept of dating is way here is new to me. He was showing all signs of “fuckboy*” but my mind ignored it and I got led on and I started to get feelings for him. I know, you must be thinking if I knew he was a fuckboy* the how the hell did I started to like him?

Well, first of all he is really charming and good looking. He is really smart and does all the gentleman things like open the door for me and pays for the food. He actually seems like a genuine good person when I’m with him. I forget every annoying stuff and red flags when I spend time with him.

I realized our relationship will not go anywhere and he will continue to play with me. Once I told him that I had feelings for him and this is getting too much for
me so I’m gonna end the “friends with benefits” thing and remain friends and he gave a simple response “okay your choice.” After 2 weeks he hit me up on snapchat after he saw a selfie of mine and said he wants to come over to my house in the weekend. I couldn’t say no. We had an amazing time and after that he ghosted on me again. He is emotionally unavailable and does not share much about his life. I want to end it with him but I’m too weak to do it. Every time I pull back, he then wants to chase me. recently I texted him ” are you ghosting on me or something going on with u?” then he replied with ” i’m just damn busy :/” .

I’m really confused what he actually wants. If he doesn’t like me anymore then why doesn’t he just tell me or stop texting me? The relationship is hurting me. I don’t blast him with lots of texts nor do I nag. I always try to stay civil and calm even when i’m hurt by him. I’m having a hard time opening up to him of what exactly I feel. I wanted to take the relationship to another level and spend more time with him getting to know him. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. But I didn’t demand it. I did not expect anything in return when I told him I liked him. Because I can’t force him to like me back.
What should I do Captain Awkward? Even though I make myself busy with things. But I can’t seem to not cut him out of my life for good.

Sincerely Confused

*Fuckboy = the letter writer is using it as a term to describe a man who is unreliable and untrustworthy around sex  or “Someone who’s distant but still craves attention.” It also has a history as a descriptor of prison rape victims and attaching men who aren’t traditionally masculine and is therefore a word we’re not going to use anymore at CaptainAwkward.com enterprises. I’m not telling anyone they can’t ever use it, but I’m going to personally stop. Not least because I am a big ol’ white lady and “well it’s more complex than that in AAVE” isn’t really the hill I want to die on in my comments section. Not every word that exists is an ok word for me. Cool? Cool.

Dear Sincerely Confused:

You say you’ve been dating for about 3 months and that you’re “confused about what he actually wants.

He said he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Ergo, what he wants is what is happening right now. He wants to flirt and have your attention and have sex with you sometimes. And then he wants to drop out of sight sometimes. He wants you to want him but he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend or have any obligation or deeper emotional connection. He wants you when he feels like it and he wants to be able to go away and ignore you when he doesn’t feel like it. He wants this. This thing that you say is hurting and confusing to you is the best this is likely to get.

You will never have a loving monogamous relationship with him where he is your boyfriend. If he wanted that, he would have said “Yes!” when you asked him about it. He would have made it happen. If you stay friends, or, um, “friends,” he will sometimes want to have sex with you, but it won’t mean anything has changed. Paying for dates and opening doors for you isn’t deeply meaningful. You’ve known/suspected this from the start, and he’s done every possible thing to confirm it.

It’s one of life’s great tragedies and comedies that we can have amazing chemistry and fun sexy feelings with people who aren’t actually good partners for us. That “omg this is the BEST” way he makes you feel should be illegal, right? Charisma isn’t the same as character.

The good news here is also the bad news: All the power to end or clarify this situation lies with you. You can stop this any time you want to.

You could decide “You know what, it’s worth it to me to have a fun diverting time with him when he pops up a couple of times a year, and I can safely ignore him the rest of the time, because I know 100% that it’s not going to turn into anything else.” To be clear, I don’t think this is where you are right now because you say that this is all hurting you. But I also know that there have been times in my life when a break-glass-in-case-of-emergency-need-for-uncomplicated-known-quantity-good-makeouts-dude has come in handy. No one would judge you if you changed his name in your phone to “Handsome Dumpster Fire” and didn’t delete it just yet. Winter is coming.

You could also decide “Hey, I really want a devoted, reliable boyfriend who loves me and I’m gonna hold out for that and not waste time on charming, unreliable dudes” and then deploy your new best friend, the block button. You’ll be sad and miss the thrill of the little roller coaster you’ve been riding for a while, but then you’ll feel better after a while of not being jerked around and there will be room in your life to meet someone else.

Back when she dated men, the lovely Samantha Irby (rocking it today in the New York Times btw) made a policy to protect her heart and reclaim her time. If she didn’t hear from a dude within a couple days of a date/sexy stuff/or simply her texting him, she deleted his number from her phone. That way she could resist the urge to keep pinging him or checking to see if he’d reached out, and if he did get in touch eventually she could legitimately be like “Wait, who is this?

If this sounds cynical, think of it as Sam deciding what she needed: Someone who, at minimum, texts back. Someone who pays attention. Someone who treated her like she was important and not some big interruption to the more important things he had going on. You can’t control your feelings but you can control how many times you leave a door open for someone who isn’t walking through it.

Letter Writer, you want love that shows up for you. You want love that is playing on your level. That’s not silly or “nagging” or annoying or needy, and the person who deserves you won’t see it that way. He also won’t act like it’s some chore to keep in touch except when he’s bored or wants something.

Sometimes the answer when someone ghosts on you, is “ghost harder!”

 

 

 


([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 22nd, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

Is there any time of the year more suited to Tim Burton cakes?

I THINK NOT.

So here are my new favorites inspired by some of Burton's spookier films.

 

Beetlejuice:

(By Sarah Olmsted)

We're starting off with a bang and a scream, because LOOK AT THIS CAKE. The sandworms! The waiting room! And the top with the model set's grave scene? Perfection.

It took me a good 15 seconds to find Beetlejuice, btw. See him? NO HINTS!

 

 

Corpse Bride:

(By Cake Central user lamiatorte)

1) I can't believe this is cake.
2) Emily looks dead sexy.

See what I did there?

HEYOOOO.

 

Alice in Wonderland:

(By Silovoguo for the Cake Design Italian Festival)

All the other Alice cakes can just pack up, you guys. WE'RE DONE HERE.

(Sooo many stunning details, but look at the stack of floating teacups! That and the painted roses are my favorite bits. Plus Cheshire's eyes.)

 

Frankenweenie:

(By Sara Giustizieri)

Excellent hand painting and figure sculpts so spot-on they could be collectible figures.

 

And everyone's favorite:

The Nightmare Before Christmas:

(By Dina Cimarusti Cakes)

 

This one has it all: the swirls, the bathtub, Oogie Boogie - I even see Zero!

(By Pucky Cakes)

Love that Sally gets her own cake here - and what IS that adorable bat/cat creature she's holding?
'Cuz I want one.

 

There are tons of Jack & Sally wedding cakes out there, but these two in particular caught my eye:

(By That Baking Girl)

The chalkboard tier has the famous "meant to be" quote from the movie. I love the swirly roses, and those colors! Plus the window frame topper is a genius design.

 

(By Splendor Cakes)

I really fell for the contrast on this one: that vivid pink and orange and lace topper with the dark sepia tones on the bottom is just... WORKING. You know? And I love the hand painted art of Jack and Sally in Dia de los Muertos face paint - a fun twist which helps explain the brighter colors.

 

And now, a few Sweets that bring all kinds of Burton characters together:

(Also by Sara Giustizieri)

Edward! Yay! Plus those vivid jewel tones look amazing behind all the figure sculpts.

 

And finally:

(By Queen City Bake Shop)

How cool is this?! The TV sets alone would make this a masterpiece, but then there are scenes from Nightmare, Frankenweenie, and Alice inside them!

And, you guys, they even light up:

 

Ahhh- mazing.

 

Happy Sunday, everyone! Now, who wants to go watch some movies?

*****

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

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