Yeah like I love my mother and totally understand WHY she ended up with the....quirks? She had? But we still have occasional clashes of "if you want me to 'take initiative/assess the situation and do what needs doing ' you get to deal with my perceptions of this and my priorities; if you want things done exactly the way and in the order you want, you have to take on the effort of organizing; you cannot actually have it both ways."

And the straight up speed with which the dad started doing things and also his awareness that it wasn't entirely fair to start with kinda confirmed to me that there was at least some of that going on, along with her initial habit of taking over the organizing that the kids were doing, and that it seemed very....revelatory? When Marie walked get through the idea of "maybe explicitly teach them how you want things and then make it their responsibility."